to be clear - if you see this, kindly why the actual fuck are you here. this is just me shouting into the void
plenty space in the big stupid wobbly handmade ceramic bowl of my heart either way. chill.
thinking about a friend of mine who ive met a few times whose place i dropped by the other month, and them talking about not wanting to leave traces online as much as they have in the past. feels resonant, that. hoping they doing good, would be nice to hang more someday, maybe ifwhen some other event in their city down the line
grateful in general for this web of connections, situational as a lot of it might be, but all the same
"y'know, something that i actually don't understand or know about, what the hell does dl trade mean? um, recently, a dl emt in the ie confessed feelings to me. is that dl trade?! like, there is no nudes involved, but... y'know, feelings were traded! like, (??) back to me on that, thanks(?)!"
-in the current soundcloud mix im listening hahaha unfortunately i too do not know wtf theyre talking about, but i love the "feelings were traded" wording lmao
after aistobascistod, from convo with a friend:
oli xl : xylitol
jamie xx : xymietjax
i mean : anytime
e : yet
person next to me on the bus having their coat on their lap spilling over a little bit onto my lap - something poetic about this
yet to pack: power bank (charging for the night), water bottle (will receive from bus cos loyalty bonus), light food (will handle in morning), wired earbuds (might still use tn)
still been trying to make sense of all this, but gotta just let it be and let myself be in peace
no maybes!
644 mins on the wrapped. this year legit spent more time at music events than streamin from spotify. to hell w that
i dreamt a continuation of a (neutral) workplace scenario, i just remembered. irl a customer asked for a specific kind of broom which we dont have in stock atm, in the dream i found the brooms in another location of the shop. the hell
my experience with web became better and healthier after i realized i'd love to make my website as an archive, a shelf, a library. something that will be here for me as long as possible.
not a brand, not a portfolio, not a product. just a collection of memories, something to look back on one day, and see how i've changed. together with it.
i built a place for me first. and while feedback is pleasant and inspiring, it is optional. guests are lovely and welcome, yet i'm the host.
i want to look at it, and think: "yep, that's so me."âââ
and if the luck is on my side, then this website will last, and outlast me.
[-northome]
yessssssssss exactly..
hearing wholeass BIRDS (potentially nightingales) sing at FOUR THIRTY IN THE MORNING
in Nearly December. (unheard of for my estonian ass)
lmfao ONE single e-gate open i'm the first one thru oli im making my damn WAY
bored enough i be posting in my fuckin ig story. but im at gate now so i could dig out the book i got...
context: getting fucked in ass by 3 hour flight delay
I can't see if anybody has the X on the back of their hand to mark them as underage, which fun fact, I did not know was a thing bars did (...) (-enforcer)
thinking back on when i caught boris live last year two years ago in may in tallinn, i ended up talking to a group of 5 people, 1-2 of whom were underage. someone was going around marking the underage people, and they nearly wanted to mark me too but i went like IM TWENTY SEVEN
i guess as a friend of mine said, autism gives u like -10 off your real age
(bumping evian christ b2b torus draaimolen 2023 recording) LIBERTAAAAA
fucking mr saxobeat stuck in my head half the day after hearing it from radio smh
skipping an evening of fancy hot cocoa, cos out of milk and don't have any other reasons to head out today, but will have a couple reasons to tomorrow
fun site idea: bespoke favicons for some pages (and then deal w em via 11ty frontmatter stuff)
Mm, nice. I like you returning yearly to report on the state of all the good memories you have entangled with Cartoon Smile. Treating it as a kind of armature of your psyche, at this point. :~)
-a friend re: me drafting up this year's big round for smilepage :,)
got the tranceparty days granted off in my schedule we are soooooooo fucking backk
first activity with the cordless drill: remove the sliding ikea trashcan holder hindrance which i ideally want a few cm to the right so itd fit out from the right door under the sink w/o having to open both doors...
friends dropped by on sunday afternoon and brought me fancy cocoa powder with marshmallows in it too. i've been having a cup of it every evening since then now. cup three.
most wee little dead mouse in the mop bucket at work. im so sorry mate but how did you even get in there?
i do miss the summer warmth a bit. and it wasnt even on for as long hereabouts this year.
This is one of the hardest things I had to accept: that I canât instantly be the person I wish to be. I have tried, and it just doesnât work that way. What we cannot contain would eventually bubble up in hideous ways.
Understanding this has made it slightly easier for me to understand other people. We can only be who we are capable of being at that moment. I can only put myself in conditions I think will be beneficial for my inner-growth, and then hope for the best.
spotted a plane above, pulled up flightradar. ok its some istanbul petersburg flight. but also seen on the map some italy air force plane doing rounds nearby. Interesting
i always like to see trains and trams and articulated buses snaking along their paths, from inside em looking up/down em
another hair shaving dream (i.e i'd had one at the start of year too)
in the dream: older halfbro [1], both fullbros [2 (younger), 3], my parents [4]
pulled up to my prior rental apartment but there was this additional window in the small lobbyroom, my fam mightve been there on the most part. 1 (only in underwear) was shaving his hair w an electric whatchamacallit, 2 was just there too maybe taking pics w his phone at times for some reason. 3 was in the living room bit at one of its windows taking pics of 4 who were sat on the sofa so we didnt see each other really. at one point i (in my underwear for some reason) was dodging the phonecams of 2 and 3 so i wouldnt end up in view of em. when 1 had finished w his hair i was like hey can i borrow the electric whatchamacallit and he was like ok sure. and then i was shaving the sides of my hair.
woke up with idea.2 by james k stuck in my head.
at a friend's place again - i think i hear one of the cats slightly snoring. cute
i pick up the latest number of mßßrileht, i see a rogue corsica studios mention in its current ongoing soundtech section. Smiles
tonight's doings: there are now fewer things on my floor and fewer rogue yarnskeins on my couch, just the one i'm crocheting a vine from... figured out an ok-for-now place for my tools.
the other day, in a single 3-hour sitting, i sewed-embroidered a little pin of james k's cat pingu as a little gift to give to her on saturday at her show
and because of having done it start to finish in a single sesh, i keep forgetting i Made The Thing, so whenever i eye at it next to me on the table i'm just either like "wow i cooked???" or "PINGU"
its rainy outside - feeling annoyingly sleepy and softspun as a result
got someone in a server im in to check out lick the lens pt1 yesterday, had good chats with em about this/music, i think this got me out of my head a bit wrt being bogged down about the album's contract-hell circumstances. joy!!!!!!! (genuine)
last night dreaming was also a bit wild. and again i dont fully know who was in my dreams again but i was in a high school english(?) class at one point, presumably the hs i went to, presumably largely my classmates but the teacher was different, mightntve even been eng class but the class was somewhy In English (i live in estonia. i went to an estonian hs)
there's a great, big, beautiful tomorrow
shining at the end of every day
-from the description of an art tumblr (nnebuchadnezzar)
also dont even know who was in my dreams last night, for the better, it was a bit of a crazy dream.
revised Sneek Music Enjoyment Tour operations esp w/ the w*rp happening having dropped off a while back...
- fri nov 14: maybe aparaaditehas gallery night in tartu will have something musicwise? not looked into yet but im able to stay lateeeeee
- sat nov 15: james k in tallinn after all đđđ and metabora as local support which i fw
- fri nov 28: manchester for catching oli xl again cos feeling obliged this year + got decent cheap flight tix + not been to mcr yet
- fri dec 05 if i get days off shouldnt be a problem: Mothafuckin TranceParty (still tba...)
Or, I donât know about you, Iâm gonna have to leave the planet. âCause the technology is just gonna get better and better and better and better. And itâs gonna get easier and easier, and more and more convenient, and more and more pleasurable to be alone with images on a screen, given to us by people who do not love us but want our money. Which is all right. In low doses, right? But if thatâs the basic main staple of your diet, youâre gonna die. In a meaningful way, youâre going to die.
-excerpt from a david foster wallace interview from 1996, which i saw via here sourced via here
but! the hand-me-down sewing machine that i finally asked for Actually Still Workksss
having said the stupid things in earnest, and them having been in earnest doesnt stop them from having been stupid
a customer dropped a coin, immediately caught it back from its first bounce from the lower bit in front of the counter. satisfying as fuck
no reason not to make life easier for myself down the road (by doing stuff that needs doing Now)
mildly refreshing to see discussion of some mildly to moderately known people and think to myself i dont even know who they are and i dont think the knowledge would even be relevant to my life
bristolian curse lite mode (my throat / vocal cords still a bit off from all the yapping at the event)
hostel purgatory bullshit ended up letting up. found out in morning there was a whole 4 british ppl in the room (of 6 beds) that all know each other or otherwise had bonded during the stay or something. was fun to unabashedly eavesdrop.
im home by now.
some hostel purgatory bullshit (same bunk as some mf that sounds to be hella wasted to hiccup extent. and im bottom bunk which might be the compromising bunk in this case. hellworld. would offer water but im not sure if theyre awake or asleep)
everything such a miracle (thought whilst i look at one set of doors of this older looking tram)
stray thought-energy, no pocket notebook on me, phone on 26%. lonitseera save me