actual final boss of it all: executive functioning, or rather some parts thereof
ill see if im bothered to stay til end (4am) or not, as i booked an old town hostel spot n all and would like a bit of sleep before the morning bus. also one of my highlights always of these overnighter tallinn trips is MFIN FRESH PASTRIES FROM THE BUS STATION R-KIOSK!!!!!
anyway time to continue flowing along
3 nursed drinks thruout the night, tbf, not all in a row. so not as bad. but wouldn't let myself drive in this state cos im zerotolerance toward that but im still able to fold origami cranes n that. just, feeling liquid.
this used to be an auxiliary room of paavli but not anymore for the time being. n they have an accessible toilet which is a nice touch. but i didnt note abt the accessibility of the general entrance (there may be a lil bit of stair), and also the tap water in it, for now, was shockingly cold. bbbrrrrrr
at this new club, mod, next to paavli, after the yawning portal set. nice to behold a new club so soon after beholding an old club closing. eases the general grief feeling a lil. also the being 3 drinks in (2 from paavli, 1 from mod) which is the most ive been really - but i know my limits. verdict: feeling liquid, and the set vibe is nice
hostel guy sidequest ponderings:
i remember him telling me irl hes not been in a relationship in years and feels lonely. me i know better than to quench feelings of loneliness by seeking out romantic stuff, but i do admittedly miss the feeling of having close physical intimacy with someone (while keeping in mind the boundary-settings necessity)
but i'm not brave enough to initiate fwb type situations or to initiate such things with people irl whatsoever For Now, and dating apps feel like a mild affront to me as a for-now-small-town queer person. so i like whenever someone initiates suchsort stuff with me irl, if they're not halfhearted about it
(halfheartedness example: random tipsy guy at the sept 2023 meisterjaan set who was initially hitting on my taken friend, i merely took one for the homie)
Gardens are as dynamically alive as we are. And, there is no final perfect state for a garden, or for a person. I haven’t figured out what’s next for my horticulture journey, but my time in a strange garden helped me understand that paths twist and turn and spiral. If you try to force a linear path, the inevitable twisting and turning and spiraling will become very uncomfortable. Instead, we can all learn something from the plants constantly adjusting their growth plans as conditions change. Follow softly as the light shifts, and when needed, take your body into a strange garden.
also locking in on an event trip again :-) always nice to have an adventure to look forward to
aight im feeling more normal now. remembered i can make grilled cheese sandwiches. and the fact i can just try to establish stronger boundaries within myself, too, with some stuff
a friend prescribed me 2-3 years idgafistan and forget. tried and true from the past, but annoyed that the current 2-3 years, for now, ends in 2-3 years