suppose it sometimes just hurts being a bit of an elephant in the room of some sort.
my head not fully in it at work today. but i have nice soon-plans to look forward to at the least
self-cross: but rly feel i shouldnt go on about it i dont rly enjoy the fact i still get sad abt this, shit makes me feel like the elephant in the room but ehhhhh
and even locking in only gets me so far at a time. eventually will still have to face all the stupidity going on in my head (even in general) n figure out best ways to coexist w all that. fair enough m8
its like - a few ppl telling me it's good i confessed my feelings instead of stewing in the what-ifs, but now i'm just stuck with other what-ifs instead, annoying and painful
trying to be kind to myself and not tear into myself over still feeling pretty down about it all sometimes
at the very least that whole ordeal dealt a final fatal blow to my sp*tify account as well. it's whatever, i'll try be mature about all this most of the time, it's just annoying to have to be coping with
my 'my site i write whatever i want' bein quoted in agreement and i agree at the agreement
even while i co-opted that from the person i'd been gushing about warmly on my site last sept/oct going like 'eh it's your site write whatever you want' upon clarifying they dont feel the same way
even while in the end the combo of this n some of the stuff i'd said to em direct ended up costing me the albeit-situational friendly connection with them at least for the foreseeable :/ and it still hurts a bit, cos even while they were a bit of a cunt in the way they went in cutting me off (and they knew that), i genuinely liked their presence across the past meets
but also actual fuck off it's my site-constellation i write what i want + the time will pass anyway
adjusted self-crosspost
and realizing Consciously today I Need To Simplify My Life Further cos i tend to feel more easily tilted out n ambiently pissed off n unkindly when overstimulated... but not at the cost of the Whimsy ofc
i had a crashout recently, i dunno what was happening. [---] it took me a while to reorient myself [...]. you have to find something to ground yourself imo. hanging out with a friend, taking a few days off work, taking long walks.
those sorts of things create distance from these feelings, so you can analyze them more objectively. when you're in the midst of it, all of these feelings get very overwhelming and become your truth, becomes factual to you. you need that distance to see that that's usually not the case.
-a different friend, within same convo
just putting this here for self-reminder also really...