but for sure no longer spinspiralling inside my own head about this - even while still admitting to myself and to whoever cares enough to look at my thoughts page that the friend is cool and cute
oh shit new meredith monk album? sometimes nice to be tapped in on classical-primary radio at work. theyre gonna play (bits of) the album on this show
long as this doesnt scare the customers off too much HAHA
love as unstoppable force, respect as immovable object - least thats the way things feel within me maybe even at large
thinking about how i read some stuff from loveless aro ppl somw time back, and rlly seeing what theyre putting down in the text, even while not loveless or even aro myself, just someone with a bit of a fraught relation with the concept and how its defined in this stupid orientation-rigid chunk-of-world n that
'love' this 'love' that, what about respect and so on fr
You've got some good energy tho
Keep it safe
And it will serve ye well
-a friend :,]
two wolves living within me - theyre named Unstoppable Force and Immovable Object
-- still really enamored with you, so don't mind me too much if i say more of silly shit to you --
wait fuck this means im officially turning 29 next week too HAHA
it's cool, just a bit unexpected. i guess i had one big wish for the being-28, which was Moving Out, and move out i did - so i'm happy.
who will clock whom first is gonna be the most fun question (i will probably clock him first, but who knows. there's a rough trade right next to the venue, i might go and look at stuff in there. i hope they got james k friend cd but its ok if nottt cos maybe there will be cds at the james k show tooooo)
im officially catching moa pillar again Next Week, over nearly 6 years. not clear if itll be live or dj (in his ig post shouting out some upcoming things, he only said he will be playing "me music" at the bristol thing hahah), but either way will be crazy cool and/or cute to sort of reunite after all this time
catching lorenzo senni live gonna be cool too, and at least one friend of mine whos going to that tooo
manifesting that shysoft-dream friend's able to come - but it's okay if not :p
seeing you in soft golden hour light. it... really doesn't make too much sense but, also sort of does on some level. can't get out of my own head about it for now - much nowhere else to go for the time being
staying at a friend's - she's temp hosting two cats of a friend of hers while he's abroad for a few months, i've met the cats a couple of times prior too, and one of the cats been sleeping here at his usual spot (the couch, which i just happen to be sleeping on tonight too, leaving a corner free by hanging my feet off the couch to be able to straighten my legs) for the past 3 hours i think :-]
will try continue sleeping now
nonsensical softness, want to catch u face to face so i could crawl back out of my own head about this for once
(ok i wasnt able to hand the rental back over yet smh - monday. i'll go fetch the drying rack last min then cheers)
silly happy moment: june 2022, warsaw, poland. was linking up with a small bunch of people from a server, was already with a few of em. when the few of us finally linked up with some of the rest of us, i muchly ran to hug my helsinki friend and accidentally had my shoulder collide w his face to whatever degree ahahah but was no sustained injury
Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.
the part of gingerbread dough making where you combine the sugar syrup stuff and the butter is a peak example of trusting the process
annoyed! at how certain past situations unfurled on an emotion level. always such a risk
now onto more seretide mixes just cos too much trance envy for me to have been able to fit it into one evening
onto trance envy 2
the effect djs and musicspersons have on you is very profound
-a friend's observation about me pfffff
site idea: tranceparty page - little compiler of the eventposters (at least those from ever since the seasons treatment started - if not more, as per the list someone(s) cooked up upon yr1 index) and text list of all the mixes on tp site radio (as per the ig post when it was announced)
first two songs are seemingly random spoken samples spread on a thin dry cracker of rhythm
okay not random at all actually
the first one tells a story, the second one has a distinct lack of story
atp there might only be one question i want to ask moa pillar at this point - Have You Been To TranceParty?!?!?
and if he has not then i will wholeheartedly threaten him to go, especially whilst corsica's still open
beautiful sunrise (now receded to just regular cloudy sunrise) + all fired up seretide mix = indomitable spirit even at 7:40am on the 4th workday in a row
wait this could be a promisingly beautiful sunrise im seeing the light change
a crow in the distance flying one way, a fly in my room flying the other way
another banger username idea: pendelp6rgu (translates to pendulum hell but the name insinuates the estonian word for commuting (pendelränne))
and its fine if it doesnt entirely make sense on some rational level
gotta try let things settle in the mind a bit. the warmth will nonetheless be there for at least a good while i feel like
and as i think i said in here its fine if the silly softness ends up temporaryyyyyy in the end hahah
shy shy reality check: seeing you in soft light / thinking you're lowkey cute / feeling stupidly inexplicably warm whenever sighting you, and annoyingly wishing to meet irl again but not knowing when thatll be or what you even really think about all this (or even what i would think about this once face to face again lmao) (and not wanting to bother direct too much in this current dynamic of not much at all 1v1 dm-ing :p) so in this uncertain open-endedness my brain for now spins the fuck around, largely in either past memories or vague hypotheticals. having banger dj mixes on staves the feeling off to a degree, maybe Doing Things does too. eeehhhh
the mystery-outcome-til-irl-meet be sending my ass to the yearning portal
also always fun whenever theres any sort of dj set recording where (one of the) camera(s) is fixed to the deck/table especially when the camera shakes cos of the bass
i dont know wtf it is but. my brain just gets locked the fuck in. got locked the fuck in on seretides whole set on both fucking nights of weekender too. and/or is it my brain wanting to drill in deeppp on some realm as usual. okay also but this mf is lowkey cracked
went like aaaahhhh ♻ hahahaha at someone in dm today and the msg accidentally has very good symmetry
-- and really i feel like its on me to try make sense of my own feelings --
i guess the context of being alone for a lot of my day-to-day feeds into the thinky thoughts a lot? though it's not a bad sort of being-alone, the living on my own part of it anyway. feel happy that i dared to pull the strings toward that this year. but like damn, more space to Ambiently Yearn Too at points.
it all feels very inane with parts of the world proverbially and/or literally on fire. i was not built for being aware of all of that i don't know what i can even do about it. besides my annoyingly tiny part
either i sit around and think stupid softie thoughts, or i do things while letting the stupid softie thoughts ambiently bump around in my head. no damn escape anyway so may well DO THINGS ANYWAY
from a james k interview for truants blog:
I’m not into linear ideas or final statements, un-fixity is more my school of thought, the reason why interviews are extremely unnerving to me, and probably why I also talk so much (I’m always rethinking the last thing I said) (...)
(thinks about how im a chronic editor of messages) She Just Like Me Fr (halfjoke)
two dogs on opposite sides of the separating fence of the dog park running up and down the fence :,)
no wind upon this tree behind my window whatsoever - it's completely still, aside from bird rustling
i can't really make full verbal sense of what was going on in the dream, but there was some sort of performance element to whatever you were doing, in parallel with but unrelatedly to something else going on nearby, and i was largely just observing all that.
u were distinctly in my dreams again - nothing shysoft, i was simply a bit shy at points, keeping a little bit of distance, observing whatever shenanigans u were up to in the dream. it felt kinda nice.
the universe seen me saying too many times that im proficient at waiting and wanted to test me on it some more!
seems like uptodown is the best option for hunting down apps' older apk-s that'd be compatible with my stubbornly-kept older daily driver phone
miniorchid status: last bloom dropped out (maybe exaggerated the process by accidentally leaving lil guy soaked all night the other night lol)
tonights agenda though is: dinner, write lil replyletter and compile usb tunes to friend (so i could post all that tmrw) :-] and then see, maybe go in on an idea or two for site.
read thru my site's past notebook entries of this year. bit of a rollercoaster!
love autumn
the serenest of seasons
-a friend. just love the cadence of these msgs + reminded me of the existence of the word serene
me in 2021 about the tallinn airport pre-security toilets being rather spacious, and re toilets being mildly known for being spaces for Some Solo Philosophizing:
wide space for wide thoughts
fun olihelsinki vid moment: a friend going like "if i keep bumping into you im sorry" and it exactly fitting into one single drumless bar of the song playing (look by doss)
and then very soon after going like "shit, he did play queencard, we talked a-" (oli sharply scratches at the cdj) "-bout it earlier" (oli stops the scratchrolling cdj, clumsy kicks in)