would be funny to know what all that was about but wouldnt be surprised if it were to just boil down to Please Excuse My Dyke* Autism Swag or some shit *id-ed as lesbian at the time, no longer do cos fuck if i know atp
but it's nice to live in ignorance of what petty h8rs be thinkin
like - theres been valid workplace complaints toward me, largely about me being occasionally lazy or uncleanly via the higherups or the manager herself, and then theres been whatever the fuck that was lool
thinking about how the summerhelper we had in 2022, who we've heard has been causing petty drama problems in a(t least one) subsequent workplace, would complain about me to the manager, and apparently the complaints were inane enough that the manager just told her off and to get used to how things work here. and she only recalled that this year in some conversation with someone and no longer even remembers what the complaints were about. something really fucking funny about this to me
i think to have a meaningful life you have to get really good at being embarrassed
fangirling ever so slightly over james k following me back on insta ahahah (after me following n commenting on her recent post [a couple of frames of which have me YAPPING on discord during her nts show ahahaha 💀]) - i barely even post there fwiw but, still
fb2k openlyrics component blew my synced-lyrics-enjoyer world right open
via here "Can you imagine anything cuter or more innocent than a little girl clutching a book called "The Kitten Club"?"
this and the preceding thoughtpost bumped into n ricocheted off this memory in my brain:
one time happened past the church/congregation my parents go to during some wednesday service, i curiously peeked in, sat and listened for a bit un the back. i honestly forget what the topic was, but the guy that was overseeing the livestreaming equipment (the services get streamed also) had this boy, im bad at estimating age but reckon well preteen, sleeping in his lap. something about that sight felt very touching for me.
seen a streetside trafficlight which shows (w/ yellow blinking) when a tram is coming from around the bend. clever!
Really lovely :~). You're good at making really intimate loving things with just simple elements, it's disarming. Your website feels like that too. :~)
-a friend about somethin i cooked up
:,)
an ulaanbaatar-frankfurt flight crossing at a direct right angle over my tartu-tallinn bus route
pack 4 trip: food 🥪, water, wallet-essentials + bit of cash, cranesquares, earplugs, lil plush, spare shirt, toothbrush + toothpaste, towel
flat fuck friday (upper-body lying down over the upfront counter at work)
the more i think about what lick the lens couldve been the more dejected i get about it, from what ive heard - and im just a fan i cant imagine what oli must be feeling
the softie thoughts are fine - but tend to yourself too!
-note to self
alright - attempt some semblance of more proper lunch, then hit the office supplies store for a wee whiteboard
also i think i need a whiteboard here, small one, for stuff planning purposes
on bugs
charming to see lil guys living their own tiny incomprehensible lives.
"i appreciate the love (...)!" warming my stupid little bonfire heart
-me softieposting
i have an important mission to embark on /halfjoke
smooch whole length of jawline
-cute evil thought
And I really know what you mean about a positive dream feeling upfront when shit is hard waking. Sometimes your subconscious lets you get just a little period of tenderness that otherwise struggles to exist in waking, and it's really beautiful and beneficial.
-a (different) friend about the shysoft dream and its timing
and fewer of them - but in the days before the trees were taken down i would have my lunchbreak outside and listen to the starling commotion in 1-2 of the (non-dried!!) trees
they took down the whole row of 6-7 trees nearby my work even though only a couple of them had dried up. i miss the row of trees - was so nice to hear the birds chattering in em while having outdoor-lunchbreaks, have to strain my ears more to hear them from further away now
latest research indicates guys are also capable of generating good brainfeel
locational selective-recall happy moment from one time: went to the fast food place nearest to my work after the workday, lingered a bit, used a different exit from the one i usually do and unexpectedly encountered my bestie and their mom who'd come to the grocery store there
wow - i looked at past dm-s with a friend-confidant in the era of my 2021 dream-catalysed crush, crazy amount of lore, and i was struggling a lot with it for reasons i won't get into in semipublic
feelings rollercoaster vs nice smooth feelings sidewalk to cruise upon with unmotorized wheeled contraption of choice to nice tunes
having moved out since has really helped too - 2021 me would be so happy for current me
lmao i stumbled upon myself once referring to a cupboard as a "thingable place"
floor-is-lava-ing / hot-potato-ing oneself off of some chat platform or other for a slight bit w/ mildly nervewracking text-sendings. rare occasion for me but, an occasion still
if you wanna know who your real ones are leave tp and see who texts you "whered you go"
crossposting elaborating on the rough sweater / soft blanket
sweater... u just either mf put it on. or mf take it off. or tie around someplace on u. cant have a sweater Partially On. but can have blanket on on various levels ... or kick it off ... or have it end up in ur hand and go like yea sure i could put it on i could use some warmth/softness ..... dont know if this even makes sense To You and also its nearly 5am and i spent a couple of hours on my sites latest silly notebook post (and particular-event reminisces for the site) i have got to go to bed
and a friend of mine saying this at my 2021 xperience
the good thing really is that to revel in the warmth of the connection alone ... is enough
self-crosspost
rough wool sweater (2021 dream-catalysed crush xperience) vs soft wool blanket (the current one)...
whether 1am sleepy is a wise time and state to do it in is another question but feel really inclined inspired to rn
want to compile some stuff ive yapped in the past couple days into a sitepost
off a rather old tumblr post, of a cat pic with superimposed snips of little personality questions with answers the way a cat would answer:
The most private thing I'm willing to admit
iwill climb on top of you in the night and settle like a tiny rain cloud
the whole thing is really great actually, might put it in realm scrapbook or whatever, but just... this bit
seen a heart scribbled onto one of the stripes of a zebra crossing omw to the grocery store. this is what life is about
itll still be fun, what with the.. (waves vaguely at thoughts)
hope he plays his rmx of kaskade one hearrrttt i wanna dance 2 that shit but only time ive heard him play it irl i was too sat down (at kwia)
also: the oli-in-the-lineup thing gonna actually be oli dj lol the mfs got it wrong somehow - but he said Maybe He Will Make It Live - i suggested maybe hybrid 😈 dj with dashes of live ..
happy moment yesterday: made oatmeal when bestie visited, nailed the texture of it well enough for them to like it (and they said its easy for oatmeal texture to get fucked up when others make it)
okay well thats enough fucking event plans for real
- sept 27 - evian christ, exploited body, a couple others in helsinki
- oct 31 - lorenzo senni, moa pillar, a couple others in bristol
- nov 1 - lonitseera in tallinn
- nov 15 - warp happening in london with a whole load including oli xl (live!!!!!), iglooghost, loraine james, opn, etc etc...
- nov 16 - james k in warsaw (just cos i was a lil salty im at the warp happening same day she's in tallinn!!)
feeling more like a person again (partly locked in on another event abroad with really bangin lineup INCLUDING OLI XL (LIVE!!))
feel like an animal cosplaying a human being lately in a "this (being at work, retail job; bullshit i keep hearing from the radio news; compulsive checking of online shit) feels so unnatural" kind of way. just want to lounge in the sun, alone or with someone else
ok:
grocery [sour cream and bread], cook bunch of pelmeni enough for leftovers, put away the clutter it's tiring to see, go outside after all that soak in the evening sun
nothin new on this green earth and yet some part of my brain insists for new shit and stupid online spirals instead of slow caring selfmaintenance
ur very cute and very far away please come be cute closer to me
-relatable post from the wild
sometimes this warmth that feels like cartoon smile not being in my head but in my heart