🌾🌾🌾 sneek thoughts

i also exist here i suppose / πŸ —

Feb 02 - 9PM πŸ •

or rather to fully register that there is guitar present

Feb 02 - 9PM πŸ •

only took me a combined 1k listens of ribbon bone by instupendo and oli xl to notice that theres a lil bit of guitar in the bridge bit or whatever it is of the song

Feb 02 - 3PM πŸ •

what the fuck its finally still light at 4pm again (the change of seasons might b my fav season)

Feb 02 - 2PM πŸ •

"(...) exactly 1.8 second tracks (or one bar of a 133.33bpm rhythm) designed to loop infinitely. (---) The tracks are often used by adventurous DJ’s and turntablists as reliable transition tools, but can also be enjoyed by the home listener with olympic stamina." internally crylaughing...the home listener with olympic stamina...me

(via this; i've been listening to of fucking course the oli xl one on loop rn for a little bit. it's very oli, even within those 1.8 seconds)

Feb 02 - 3AM πŸ •


Jan 31 - 2PM πŸ •

from yesterday's meandering walk home from work:

dark out but moon and stars peeking thru cloud, wet/icy wintry, but some feeling of impending spring within; walking through a block of apartment buildings, no streetlights, but some warmly lit windows; quietly singing along to the cartoon smile vocal bit as i walked and looked around

Jan 31 - 2PM πŸ •

some slips but no fallin

(as of yet this winter)

Jan 30 - 10PM πŸ •

mashup concept: peacewalker by moa pillar x (jet generation +) flower circuit by oli xl

could be quite fertile ... if only i had the skill / patience / energy haha, maybe someday..

Jan 30 - 7AM πŸ •

clown sleep

Jan 27 - 9PM πŸ •

sure doing several silly things at the same time can be fun but theres a calm joy in just focusing on one thing at a time too

Jan 26 - 6PM πŸ •

slightly overwhelming thought, while washing dishes: every thing around me at that moment has been made by some people or others...

Jan 26 - 6PM πŸ •

overcast sky, droplets glistening in trees against street lights, lit windows of houses along the street

Jan 25 - 6AM πŸ •

couldnt sleep well but still gotta go to work im goign to phase thru . fuckijg. walls

need to go to sleep earlier tn

Jan 24 - 8AM πŸ •

make that 5 friends

Jan 22 - 1AM πŸ •

a funny fucking thing abt this fixation is how ive gone off enough about it that like 4 different friends of mine have asked me how tall oli is......... (i guess an inevitability when the artistname is oli xl)

Jan 21 - 1PM πŸ •

but maybe that says more about me and my preference for more local shit if possible than about the soul of lidl

Jan 21 - 10AM πŸ •

a customer droppin by sayin they swear by lidl n are glad one is gonna be built in this town too

idk feels soulless to me though ive only been to a lidl once. maybe i shouldnt speak on this cuz of that. i wld probably still swear by the more local chain options despite prices

Jan 20 - 11PM πŸ •

gonna make it work

Jan 18 - 8PM πŸ •

potentially sent my digestive system slightly to hell with rlly spicy ramen

Jan 17 - 4PM πŸ •

lady with beanie that says bruh

Jan 16 - 12PM πŸ •

fml aimlessly bumbling online again

Jan 15 - 5PM πŸ •

experimenting with the timestamps on my thoughts page

Jan 15 - 5PM πŸ •

i guess it doesnt help that i've shifted from age to [abbreviated] birthyear in most of my socmedia bios/abouts so i wouldnt end up forgetting to update them at some point down the line or whatever

Jan 15 - 5PM πŸ •

talk of 26 i barely feel 26 i still feel 25 i dont know man. is it at this point that im starting to lose my grip on my precise age lol

Jan 15 - 5PM πŸ •

kinda funny fucking situation from the other night: while discussing oli xl with someone in a server i'm in's general channel a friend who was lurking the chat dm-ed me asking if i have a crush on him 😭😭 not escaping known-person crush allegations even at 26

Jan 12 - 2PM πŸ •

this music tying my sleepy brain into loose knots rn

Jan 11 - 1AM πŸ •

some rare times it all goes to silly ideas hell or wherever with me thinking "lowkey a cross-stitch-decorated pillow w this would go hard ngl LOL" or whatnot

Jan 07 - 5AM πŸ •

hyperfixation centrifugal mode

Jan 05 - 1AM πŸ •

it's w/e i dont even talk to them actively anymore

Jan 05 - 1AM πŸ •

slightly disheartening when one person has some kinda problem w something abt how u are or what u do while everyone else is ok with it or sometimes even encouraging to an extent

Jan 02 - 5PM πŸ •

also my throat hella red and so so easily irritable cuz of some common virus so i guess work is entirely off the table for this week while i try target it w the antibiotic my gp prescribed me

Jan 02 - 5PM πŸ •

divin deeper in the oli xl iceberg

Dec 30 - 3PM πŸ •

2nd time as of recent that ive found out about the death of some prominent estonian person thru my best friend telling me about how they found out about it thru like tumblr or reddit

Dec 28 - 9PM πŸ •

also i still had to bail from work midway today bc was feeling too sickly. resting now

Dec 28 - 9PM πŸ •

also the funny thought of probably taking up a wee bit of space in lad's mind by way of having caught SIX of his irl sets this yr lol

Dec 28 - 7AM πŸ •

at least just a slight sore throat and slight feverishness and less appetite... no coughing n nose fully functional which is good

Dec 28 - 7AM πŸ •

bit sickly, dont wanna get fully sick

already dreamt i woke up late for work while a bit sickly n had to figure out whether to go at all

Dec 27 - 7PM πŸ •

moa pillar being like 'but i need to finish my album first' in the caption of a recentish ig post of his, if moa album drops before oli album i Will Fucking Die (this is a joke obviously) Or At Least Sue The Year 2022

Dec 26 - 11PM πŸ •

but at the same time, when i caught the rome oli xl set, oli recognized and waved at me upon spotting me before the sets while setting up, im never going to fail

Dec 26 - 3PM πŸ •

feelin a bit solemn today

Dec 25 - 2PM πŸ •

grant me the strength to survive this car trip mentally thank u

Dec 24 - 4PM πŸ •


Dec 23 - 8AM πŸ •

the biggest discount sometimes is when u dont buy the random thing at all

Dec 22 - 11PM πŸ •

ok but what i rly want is a couple good elastic hairbands and some comfy boxertype undies

Dec 22 - 2PM πŸ •

blew up like 5 balloons and now my left ear wants to Die

Dec 22 - 6AM πŸ •

wake up to usual alarm and my parents.. Fuck ... remember i have day off today....Oooo Yeeaaa

Dec 21 - 2PM πŸ •

kuidas tuvastada lonitseera austajat: kΓΌsi neilt sidrunhappe tΓ€isnimetust

sidrun 🎡 hape 🎡 2-hüdroksüpropaan- 🎡 1,2,3-trikarboksüülhape 🎡

Dec 20 - 7PM πŸ •

but maybe its part me being overwhelmed by the thought of my own digital footprint

Dec 20 - 7PM πŸ •

this thought stirs something within me

because I realized that when I'm looking at stuff on the internet - scrolling thru timelines and feeds - I'm not actually interested in what I'm consuming, I'm just passively experiencing other people's interests,

hmmm mby im grappling w a similar issue...

(altho some of my internet time is me gushing at others abt my interests hahaha)

Dec 20 - 7PM πŸ •

sometimes its like, this is nice but aint sticking with me personally [re some album or other from backlog]

Dec 20 - 5PM πŸ •

vegan junk food bar paperflags upon the hygienestuffs container of mine

Dec 20 - 6AM πŸ •

dreamt of trains

Dec 19 - 8PM πŸ •

but back-and-forthing with someone thats about as batshit as me got me dropping new phrases ever such as "dust nerve lily headcanon" and "in lifting oli xl we trust"

Dec 18 - 5PM πŸ •

2 much hot chocolate

Dec 18 - 10AM πŸ •

dreamt i was makin a snowman

Dec 17 - 11PM πŸ •

intricate dance w life

Dec 15 - 10PM πŸ •

what if i just. file down the amount of discord servers im in (tho tbf a lot of those im in for just the emojis)

Dec 15 - 10PM πŸ •

flailing too much digitally

Dec 15 - 4PM πŸ •

the densest regular customer award goes to [ ]

Dec 14 - 8PM πŸ •

[popcorn crunch sounds] [funky music playing from earbuds] what if one of my current fashion goals is just [more popcorn crunching] stealing some of oli xl's swag but [quietly sips hot chocolate] more blatantly queerly

or: youve heard of bladee clones youve heard of ecco2k clones now get ready for

actually: no i won't at least consciously be stealing oli's swag but. fella's at least vague i guess fashion sense on occasion stirs something within that of mine ngl ! ! ! (well and i am already blatantly queer i GUESS ... fucking 'lgbtq pants' as someone in a discord server im in put it re my current frequent pair of pants being rainbow 😭😭 and all that)

Dec 14 - 2PM πŸ •

feeling giggly rn hehe

an improvement from yesterday tho i felt decent in daytime but pretty shite that morning n evening but sometimes it just be like that tbh

Dec 12 - 5PM πŸ •

need to plot somethin else for to-go lunch, pasta time over for now, dont feel compelled w the thought of more of that. wrap time ?

Dec 09 - 11PM πŸ •

"early xmas gift" not like i dropped like 1/8 of my monthly wage on two different wearable merch things today after getting paid (one i'll get my hands on tomorrow, the other who knows)

Dec 09 - 11PM πŸ •

obsessed with how this lil backpack-shaped charm i decided to get from grocery store toy section just about perfectly 1) fits for this plush bunny i have and 2) fits the portable bluetooth speaker that i have

early xmas present

Dec 09 - 8AM πŸ •

shoutout to the newer workplace ups unit, was finally useful w this random split-second power outage

Dec 08 - 10PM πŸ •

wok intruder pole enhancer

Dec 08 - 3PM πŸ •

its funny to read back on my diary writings from like 10 yrs ago or so and see one thats like omg %fave_artist% acknowledged my existence, while by now im like Thems Just Some Fellas Too hehe

Dec 06 - 9AM πŸ •

customer: compliments me being all communicatin n kind n shi

my introverted ass: OU

Dec 04 - 2PM πŸ •

tempted to acquire some typa drawing tablet ..

Dec 03 - 6PM πŸ •

my brain is annoying today. not sure how much of it is because of parental presence in next rooms

Dec 03 - 12AM πŸ •

ahhhhhhhh ahhhhh ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(this is meant in bigfan way)

Nov 30 - 2PM πŸ •

have been having this little memo on my phones homescreen where i vaguely rollingly plan out what to do on some coming day or other, accounting for workdays etc... seems to be useful

Nov 30 - 12PM πŸ •

on solo days, at least... and gives a little bit of a festive air without straight-up being xmas tunes lmao

(got complimented by a customer for that the other day; i wonder what they wouldve said had they strolled in on one of my rogue intruder soul enhancer mornings or evenings 😭 tho havent put it on from shop aux anymore since being humbled some time back by one of the ppl from adjacent meatshop going like what is this music?! at liquid love 😭😭)

Nov 30 - 12PM πŸ •

i like puttin on the estonian broadcastin service's classical radio at work, grates my soul less n stimulates my mind a lil more than the usual choices (and they dont only play classical tbf)

Nov 30 - 12PM πŸ •

merry go-oli-go!-cartoon-smile-single-dropping-anniversary theres silly significance to this for me in a way

Nov 29 - 6PM πŸ •

miniorchid status: 3 blooms spent and the other 2 on their way out too, but seems more coming up slowly surely

Nov 28 - 6PM πŸ •

LOCATED ANOTHER PERSON THAT SEEMS TO BE FIXATIN ON OLI AT SOME LEVEL this is crazy i thought i was the only one...

Nov 24 - 12AM πŸ •

watched the newest bill wurtz vid after a while of being under a rock re his more recent uploads... rlly liked it

Nov 23 - 6PM πŸ •

the gender-nonspecific craving to clear out my house in animal crossing new horizons and repopulate the rooms from scratch with whatever i can get my hands on

Nov 21 - 12AM πŸ •

fun times

Nov 18 - 9PM πŸ •

and restless

Nov 18 - 9PM πŸ •

feeling a little stupid

Nov 17 - 7PM πŸ •

the slightly stupid moment when uve been in a wack position that cuts off some circulation n whatnot from ur legs and u have to feel em come fully back online after having straightened back out

Nov 16 - 6AM πŸ •

first snow

Nov 15 - 9PM πŸ •

planted a little neocities site sprout, had been meaning to but was inspired by a friend of mine in a discord server havin started one today too

Nov 15 - 6AM πŸ •

(quiet internal whimpering)

Nov 14 - 9PM πŸ •

freshly acquired miniorchid status: 5 blooms

Nov 13 - 11AM πŸ •

theres (still) a slight mΓ€ngukoobas-shaped hole in my internet-heart

Nov 11 - 8PM πŸ •

what feistily catchin a mildly unreasonable amount of oli xl dj sets this year has gained me: several new friends/mutuals; at least one new lowkey fave artist; new experiences; ...a mild battle with bed bugs thanks rome

Nov 10 - 6PM πŸ •

forecast predicts clear skies for sat and sun, makes me happy

Nov 07 - 10PM πŸ •

spouting thoughts / sprouting thoughts

Nov 07 - 10PM πŸ •

timid hidden snails gently clacking against each other

or whatnot

Nov 07 - 10PM πŸ •

palate cleanse

Nov 07 - 2PM πŸ •

feel like im startin to slow down for the season, mentally

Nov 03 - 11AM πŸ •

been feelin Nicer

Oct 29 - 8AM πŸ •

wounded [emotionally]

might go on long walk after lunch regardless of weather. just might

Oct 25 - 11AM πŸ •

set up a text file where to sort of just ramble about things on my mind while at my comp via focuswriter (it's nice n customizable that application)

will see where it goes

Oct 21 - 11PM πŸ •

all about the approaches i guess ! ! !

Oct 21 - 11PM πŸ •

thinkin abt this thought:

If tech platforms made engagement cues/data private, only for the poster or creator to see, would that change the way we see the world/ourselves (considering how these platforms have already shaped behavior)?

(+ the precursor thought im 2 lazy 2 repaste here but) true @ spotifys fueling of perhaps sometimes harmful fandom energy on the one hand, but then at the other end of the spectrum theres for instance me using lastfm (its fun 2 look at the silly numbers) but being rlly selfconscious of it sometimes bc of my Natural Tendencies(TM) to latch onto some music or other more intensely haha

Oct 21 - 11PM πŸ •

and the big fixative olimode still ever so strong; last night i stumbled upon a full(!!!) audio recording of a live(!!!) set i had no idea existed n i rlly love it ngl... oli xl xr the way i still unearth shit i had no idea about

i love the intro... it's really cozy

and also a nice unreleased (alas...) thing after mimetic! and hesitate w/ redacted verse tht hes mentioned on twitter in a ri,se q&a!! and also clumsy w/ xtra verse?!?

Oct 21 - 10PM πŸ •

as for now im solidly back in the everyday rhythm

Oct 21 - 10PM πŸ •

fond memory: the friend i got to hang out with in ldn nerding out abt art (had em take me to tate modern n tate britain hehe)

Oct 15 - 8AM πŸ •

ciampino airport as tiny as tallinn's but not even half as cozy

Oct 15 - 8AM πŸ •

Fuck A Morning Flight if i have to catch it by comin from hostel instead of str8 from event

Oct 11 - 9PM πŸ •

shyly sinking thru floor every time i spot someone doing .fmwhoknows oli xl in some discord server im in unprompted, me being top by much

Oct 09 - 3PM πŸ •

intimidated by my own sheer feist

Oct 04 - 3PM πŸ •

rainy yesterday, rainy today

Oct 03 - 12AM πŸ •

chronic enjoyer of music

Oct 02 - 10PM πŸ •

been a hot minute since i received a weather warning notif from the estonian weather app haha, allegedly quite windy tomorrow

Oct 02 - 8PM πŸ •

fuck it we continue to ball whilst able to

Sep 27 - 7AM πŸ •

u really do never know which of the tiny obsessions end up growing into at least a months-long fixation type thing

Sep 25 - 6PM πŸ •

might listen to mixes off my soundcloud listenlater list all evening

Sep 25 - 6PM πŸ •

gonna try to bring a small bunch of things to the local reuse centre tomorrow, been meaning to

Sep 25 - 6PM πŸ •

a bit tidier

Sep 17 - 10PM πŸ •


Sep 17 - 10PM πŸ •


Sep 17 - 7PM πŸ •

ambient online presence

Sep 16 - 2PM πŸ •

but gotta try redirect the aimlessness energies in more satisfying ways...

Sep 16 - 2PM πŸ •

a little aimlessness as a treat

Sep 15 - 8AM πŸ •

once again dragged along by the everyday

Sep 11 - 12PM πŸ •

gatekeep me from x-l.love PLEASE /lh

Sep 09 - 11PM πŸ •

[from small cozy tallinn airport perspective] have u ever lingered at an airport's arrivals area in late evening, when havin to arrive super early for absurdly early morning flight

has a special energy to it

Aug 31 - 2PM πŸ •

ho ly shit the new felix lee n oxhy song (off upcomin felix release) goes too hard

Aug 29 - 9PM πŸ •

hahaha my heart is proverbially so Warm it almost Hurts but not negatively mannnn

Aug 29 - 9PM πŸ •

lemme just

cartoon smile !!!!!

Aug 29 - 9PM πŸ •

cartoon smile ! ! !

[still love it so much]

Aug 25 - 7AM πŸ •


Aug 23 - 1PM πŸ •

got to talk more back-and-forth about oli xl w someone for once, the hyperfixative proverbial bees inside my mind are more humbled and quiet for now haha

Aug 19 - 10PM πŸ •

that on top of spotting someone on a discord server im in spouting some bullshit about condoning russias ukraine invasion too (tho i blocked em n the convo was swept into the void later anyway). sometimes the internet is too fucking much but i stupidly persist to bring more kindness

Aug 19 - 10PM πŸ •

i mean sure shits all skewed in all sortsa ways n shit but eh still idk. mby some ppl should sit down n let themselves be mesmerized thoroughly by something. i dont know. not my fucking problem what they think. i express my appreciation in ways i want n can while i can. don't even know where im going with this.

Aug 19 - 10PM πŸ •

came across a tweet (via a crtitcizing qrt to be fair) tht referred to music as c*ntent (in a consumer-y way) n it lowkey almost made me wanna throw up on some level

felt so belittling in a way, beholding that as a heavy enjoyer of music. me nd other ppl out here developing deep bonds to certain music and thru certain music and some soggy loaf of bread dares sit on their ass at a keyboard referring to tht medium in a way that implies brainless consumption fucking stupid

Aug 14 - 10PM πŸ •

calm existence

Aug 11 - 4PM πŸ •

just about read eurodance instead of endurance from a pet food package for some reason

Aug 10 - 10PM πŸ •

but its fun to be tapped in on the Details! hahaha

Aug 09 - 7PM πŸ •

and a couple different friends in the past have said about a prior Huge Fave of mine both that they wish they loved something as much as i love the fave and that they wish someone loved them as much as i love the fave haha

silly big feelings! but maybe a strength to keep having the big feelings

Aug 09 - 6PM πŸ •

hahahaaha im thinkin bout this thing someone in a lil friendserver type thing im in said some time back (context: they make music)

I would like someone being obsessed with me like you with Oli no cap

Aug 07 - 6AM πŸ •

saw kate nv perform live too after 3 yrs since last time. loved her set

Aug 07 - 6AM πŸ •

to whom the estonian song n dance celebration every few years

to whom oli xl dj sets currently every few months

Aug 06 - 6AM πŸ •

Hungry At The Flight Gate

Aug 04 - 12PM πŸ •

saw the little crane make a tiny cameo in oli's ig story, makes me happy makes me smile

Aug 04 - 12PM πŸ •

i love to go thru others thoughts pages on the webring but haven't had the time / energy lately, but i guess itll be something to do during the portions of waiting im gonna have during the upcoming lil weekend trip !

Aug 04 - 12PM πŸ •

its fun to have my manager be like 'u oughta do [x]' and me havin already done it outta boredom a couple days back lmfao

Aug 04 - 1AM πŸ •

mentally kickin my legs in the air im excited a lil

Jul 31 - 11PM πŸ •

my fave genre is electronic music guys whose looks somehow give off lesbian vibes (/complimentary)

both of the ones ive been a huge fan of to the point of travelling abroad to catch sets are like that in ways haha

Jul 31 - 10AM πŸ •

eccology by ecco2k + being at besties place, not having got outta bed yet + gentle sunlight on the drawn curtains + smell of presumably pancakes their mom might be making already downstairs

Jul 28 - 7PM πŸ •

when u go like hehe at something but the context is secret intel for now so cant fuckin indulge in it at anyone hahahha

Jul 28 - 6AM πŸ •

shld buy the bus tix for the trip

Jul 24 - 8PM πŸ •

head Hurts

Jul 24 - 8PM πŸ •

awkward and not lonely feels a lot better than lonely and inevitably awkward

-some1 in a server i frequent

Jul 22 - 11PM πŸ •

connection is all there is to it

Jul 19 - 6PM πŸ •

the one thing i Hate about the reusable menstrual pads ive got: w the general sorts of underwear ive got right now they fucking ride up my butt so much while im walking

Jul 17 - 8PM πŸ •

YES confirmed im gonna get the one day off i want/need in august actually off too !

Jul 17 - 1PM πŸ •

but the fest was nice. highlights: being almost barricade for yves tumor n band (yves was goin past us w hands toward us n tongue out at 1 point lmfao i passed up the fine privilege of getting licked tho hahaha); being enamored by thundercat's drummer just goin at it esp during one of the songs

Jul 17 - 1PM πŸ •

Five Millionth Time Of This Album Without Getting Permanently Tired Of It! How Do I Even Manage To Do It

Jul 17 - 3AM πŸ •

stupid proverbial brain worm garden

Jul 16 - 11AM πŸ •

was socially exhausted after positivus day one, but the sleep reset most of that. nice enough. need to go get food

Jul 14 - 3PM πŸ •

bumbling about

Jul 11 - 5PM πŸ •

Seems Like Some Time Til Then Still Tho

Jul 11 - 5PM πŸ •

haha thinking abt how one day i might wake up / get online to a bandcamp notification of oli xl has announced an album or whatever itd exactly be and how that day i will go so hogwild

Jul 09 - 11PM πŸ •

focus, pay attention,

Jul 09 - 10AM πŸ •

note 2 self: mint extract started, today

Jul 07 - 9PM πŸ •

like sure i might live 4 hours bus ride from the nearest airport but i live like a 2 minute walk from my towns main bus station which mildly balances things out

Jul 07 - 3PM πŸ •

currently completely gatekeeping myself from discord on mobile and it feels... peaceful

Jul 07 - 5AM πŸ •

I mean I enjoy hearing about sneek Oli fixation and it brings a smile to my lil face every time I read your writings / I rate it a 10/10

-someone in a discord server im in


Jul 03 - 10AM πŸ •

enthused 2 much, leaked into my dreams

Jul 01 - 5AM πŸ •

warm cozy warm cozy warm

Jun 28 - 7PM πŸ •

summer break soon lets gooo

Jun 27 - 11PM πŸ •

rlly glad u are safe

Jun 27 - 12PM πŸ •

cartoon smile spring, cartoon smile summer

Jun 25 - 5PM πŸ •

What The Hell

Jun 24 - 4PM πŸ •


Jun 21 - 11PM πŸ •

crosspost from discord:

nooooo im literally chillin in an airbnb with maybe like 7 other ppl floatin around the bnb rn and im on my phone enthusing over oli still my life is a COMEDY

tho rn been FLOWIN in the good times

Jun 21 - 9AM πŸ •

when someone asks me help with the train ride and im like Bro Im Equally Clueless

Jun 21 - 4AM πŸ •

smell of something adjacent to cinnamon buns, adjacent to the self-service library type thing, at the airport

Jun 19 - 5PM πŸ •

silly goofy silly goofy silly goofy

Jun 15 - 4PM πŸ •

holy fuck i need to go thru and clean out some emails sometime

Jun 14 - 12AM πŸ •

feelin big irl/url love

Jun 13 - 10PM πŸ •

lol the dg warsaw show itself was postponed today, into september, but i was gonna go with some ppl and we'd all booked a pretty fire airbnb too so we decided that we're still gonna go hang out n ball which might still be quite lovely

Jun 13 - 8AM πŸ •

having 2 weeks off work in like 2.5 weeks..!! plus the drain gang warsaw thing before that omg omg (i need to book the bus tix for it...)

Jun 12 - 9PM πŸ •

It Was Very Worth It

Jun 11 - 7AM πŸ •

while my 2 coworkers gettin ready to go to work today im gettin ready to go on a trip !!

Jun 06 - 6AM πŸ •

in my hubris im once again a dumbass (read: 3 hrs sleep)

Jun 05 - 12AM πŸ •

the production on victim by drain gang is so immensely summery it blows my mind lowkey. a big delight to listen. super super chill

Jun 04 - 11PM πŸ •

thinkin about how moa pillar (a longtime fave music artist) was like 'this is crazy' at when i gave him a minor fuckton of tiny paper cranes out of appreciation after one of the times ive seen him perform

and about how oli called my headgeared crane the insanest thing or something

and im like, to me the craziest thing is how yall can just conjure up soundscapes just like that

Jun 04 - 1PM πŸ •

and the desire for having a burger for lunch

Jun 04 - 7AM πŸ •

carrying vague dread n vague loneliness but also not so vague joy

Jun 04 - 1AM πŸ •

ok vibes!

Jun 03 - 12AM πŸ •

awful vibes

Jun 01 - 11AM πŸ •

fun to look at one of the it ppl poke at our main work comp remotely its as if some ghost was fiddling inside it but Not Really

May 31 - 8PM πŸ •

walk mood? super pretty out rn

plus figuring out how to rename screenshots in a nice more organized way

May 31 - 2PM πŸ •

almost june and its chilly out. feels wrong

May 30 - 10PM πŸ •

time gone halfway into the void tonight again

May 30 - 1PM πŸ •

at least currently.

the outcome of it being released and the outcome of it not being released but there being some other ecco feat on ltl might both be okay...! fortunately theres a full enough ok enough recording of the unrelease

May 30 - 1PM πŸ •

part of my mind entirely replaced w that certain ecco & oli unreleased track

May 30 - 8AM πŸ •

the lilacs are in bloom. a fave time of year

May 30 - 2AM πŸ •

unrelated: sneek do sum digital boundaries ur spreading urself too thin across 2 many places

May 30 - 2AM πŸ •

til literal licking of (camera) lens can be useful... some1 in a discord server im in does some underwater filming n tht apparently helps in the lens not fogging up n stuff. sillily delightful knowledge (Sorry [Name Redacted] Oli Reference Now)

May 28 - 8PM πŸ •

told a friend that across these three days off i might fuck around and i might find out but maybe just fuck around

ive fucked around, ive found out!

May 26 - 10PM πŸ •

i meant italic not cursive... it's called kursiiv in estonian tbf

but italic emojis hilarious on my laptop too

May 26 - 10PM πŸ •

feeling a lot of love thru silly little internet lately

May 24 - 10PM πŸ •

cursive emojis can be pretty hilarious at least on my phone

πŸ€ͺ πŸ€ͺ

May 23 - 4PM πŸ •

walk mood

May 23 - 12PM πŸ •

altho it seems to have evened out a little right now... slowly going to my summer level of listening to music (aka less than in winter)

May 20 - 12AM πŸ •

wait til you see my lastfm profile mr bossman bigman etc...

May 20 - 12AM πŸ •

well, talk of, finally did the other night...! i was like, its rlly lovely rlly heartwarming even after a lowkey lethal amount of plays love it a lot thank you for real

lad dared to be like wait til you hear the rest !!!! at first and Respectfully I Been Waiting A While

May 16 - 1PM πŸ •

the way the world remains simultaneously extremely fucking stupid and quite wholesome. fucking multitudes

May 15 - 12PM πŸ •

i got plenty love for lots of things but overhearing some of the shit my parents spout that aint it

May 09 - 11AM πŸ •

not knowing is the spice of life

May 08 - 8PM πŸ •

kinda fun tho, outsneaking n forcing to outsneak... lol

anyway i kinda wanna go do stuff but my cat's loafing on me

May 08 - 8PM πŸ •

this dream i had aged a lil funnily, the lad added a lil bloggish blurb as an easter egg on that site the other night.

not gonna tell abt that dream tho, but did msg him about the easter egg, maybe i shouldntve and shouldve just continued silently observing to see what he wouldve continued doing w it hahaha

May 08 - 7AM πŸ •

got clarence clarity stuck in my head (listened a lil last night)

May 08 - 12AM πŸ •

a customer (an older lady) told me today how it's always a delight to recognize me by the stripey pants [my rainbow pants] 😭😭

May 07 - 5PM πŸ •

plus these bandcamp fridays currently always land to just a few days before my payday pretty much

May 06 - 8PM πŸ •

"GetΒ all 14 Bloom Β©2019 releasesΒ available on Bandcamp and saveΒ 35%." OK MR BOSSMAN BIGMAN BIG BOY OLI WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO SAVE 35%!! music feels Important to me and i got some spare Money so i will toss Some of it

(and also i had the 4 oli things under w-i/bloom already anyway)

May 06 - 5PM πŸ •

approximately once a month i will want to listen thru all of oli xl's at least rinse fm mixes

May 06 - 5PM πŸ •

also gonna go to tartu again ..!! :D

this time for a friend's birthday, she's bringing cake to the bar she frequents

May 03 - 6PM πŸ •

the three genders: blue eyes / clear eyes / rest my eyes

(this thought sponsored by ecco2k)

May 03 - 2AM πŸ •

& it makes me want 2 give bear hugs 2 several friends but the closest ones live an hour away n the furthest ones unfeasibly far ill just hug this plushie

May 03 - 2AM πŸ •

the day i end up breaking thru some threshold n end up telling oli directly bout my big love for cartoon smile.. it will b over for u all

(did leave silly lil youtube comment but idk how oft he looks at those..and this love too big to fit in passing youtube comment)

May 03 - 2AM πŸ •

toast w cheese n fried eggs...

May 03 - 2AM πŸ •

so sleepy barely a filter mentally rn n Tht Certain Track made me feel so full of love i now wanna try make proper brekky for myself in the morning even tho im not gonna get v much sleep but thts ok

Apr 30 - 5PM πŸ •

what does it give you to even call out a random passerby (irl or online) on whichever harmless thing esp if they wont even react to you

Apr 29 - 1AM πŸ •

warm warm warm

Apr 29 - 1AM πŸ •

feeling this thought big time, but i most frequent on discord these days where it doesnt strip the extra spaces which is real Nice

Apr 29 - 1AM πŸ •

warm warm warm warm

Apr 28 - 6AM πŸ •

at least i got online friends i can spout foolery to

Apr 26 - 8PM πŸ •

being told both by my manager and my mom within the same day to be a tad more cleanly in some surroundings-aspects

now thats what i call ✨ WORK-LIFE BALANCE ✨

Apr 26 - 6PM πŸ •

though i already am unstoppable just in an 'appreciates tiny sounds in general a lot of the time' + 'keeps shilling her faves to her online friends esp in more musicappreciationally inclined spaces' way

Apr 26 - 6PM πŸ •

wld have much more fun listenin to rogue intruder soul enhancer if i recognized where any of this damn fuckton of samples came from but at the same time ive been having a bunch of fun listening to it so if i were a more aurally experienced lil bithc then i would prob be unstoppable so maybe its for the better that im not

Apr 24 - 11AM πŸ •

finally rainy today

Apr 23 - 3PM πŸ •

positive feedback loop / push/pull type thing where i've been listening to oli xl during walks enough that listening to certain kindsa oli xl makes me want to go on walks

Apr 23 - 2PM πŸ •

im fresh im fresh im frESH

Apr 23 - 7AM πŸ •

1 thing that bothers me more than a screaming child - a parent yelling at a screaming child

Apr 22 - 7PM πŸ •

especially right now with the first actually warm days of spring πŸ’–πŸ’–

Apr 22 - 7PM πŸ •

being in tartu brings me immense joy whenever its been way too long since last time

Apr 22 - 5PM πŸ •

the ppl of raadio elmar love their anne veski but so do i

Apr 21 - 10AM πŸ •

a radio advert for a place selling plantlings n stuff starts off like 'every new hour in your life (...)'

thats one way to look at it!

Apr 20 - 6PM πŸ •

shop closing speedrun 100%

Apr 19 - 10PM πŸ •

things that dont matter

things that do matter

Apr 19 - 10PM πŸ •

i am tired (but itll pass)

Apr 18 - 6PM πŸ •

maybe i could, in the meanwhile, toss most of the clutter into the bed box thing

Apr 16 - 9PM πŸ •

in these times ive generally been extremely chill for someone who dwells barely an hour from the godforsaken border!

its nice to be mentally stable. even when i do have rather low mental energy these days. but stable!

Apr 16 - 9PM πŸ •

its nice to be sort of rooted in my more immediate surroundings

(went on a nice walk just earlier)

Apr 16 - 9PM πŸ •

wish i could [unpostable activities] the ppl who [far, far more unpostable activities] by my own hands or wit or tools given

Apr 16 - 8AM πŸ •

different degrees of feist

Apr 14 - 6PM πŸ •

the 4 genders: liquid love / liquid garden / liquid cicada / liquid sunshine

Apr 13 - 10PM πŸ •

this empties my mind every time i rly listen to it

Apr 12 - 12PM πŸ •

head thick

Apr 10 - 9PM πŸ •

also finally making my way down the w - i / bloom catalogue. logical next step of this current ummm fixation

Apr 10 - 9PM πŸ •

randomly thinking abt horse plinko?

Apr 08 - 4PM πŸ •

once i make and eat a wrap i will be a little more powerful.

Apr 08 - 4PM πŸ •

or maybe its that i Cant give a fuck

Apr 08 - 3PM πŸ •

sometimes some stuff just makes me go like i literally dont give a fuckkkkkkkk

Apr 08 - 11AM πŸ •

also figured out another thing i like about bus rides (vs car rides). the relative anonymity in relation to other passengers

Apr 08 - 11AM πŸ •

the moment when my paycheck email thing got overzealously placed in spam folder lol

Apr 07 - 1PM πŸ •

new coworker askin me if i have a bf, i say no, she says lucky

mate my girl im wearing rainbow pants !! had a couple of schoolkids call my outfit gay once !!

(but neither do i have any other type of signif other)

Apr 06 - 9PM πŸ •

cat i am so sorry for locking u into kitchen (with ur food n water n litterbox n chairs 2 sleep on) for the night i dont want my parents to anger at you...

Apr 06 - 9PM πŸ •

hometown any%

Apr 04 - 12AM πŸ •

so much insignificant mental n physical clutter i can't really keep up with

Apr 04 - 12AM πŸ •


Apr 03 - 2AM πŸ •

main detail of the crane + the single's cover art, for comparison

would post inline but im not bothered to resize and reupload the pic

Apr 03 - 2AM πŸ •

i just really fuckin love it... its so cozy

and seeing the single's cover art might be starting to make me think of the paper crane i made and gave hehe

Apr 03 - 2AM πŸ •

take a shot every time i mention that song.......my silly mind just works this way

Apr 03 - 2AM πŸ •

the only thing that matters right now is 1:00-1:30 of cartoon smile by oli xl

Apr 03 - 1AM πŸ •

though i wonder what made them block me months into the no-contact, hah. and what made my ex block me on there around the same time.

not that it matters.

Apr 03 - 1AM πŸ •

been on my peak bullshit anyway post-crush

Apr 03 - 1AM πŸ •

thinkin abt the friend/person i had that silly crush on for a lot of last year n what id say to them if there was ever some vague reinitiation of contact. not that it really matters.

dont (want to) care bout u as distinct person prob as defense mechanism (though i wouldnt b crushing anymore anyway, i guess its more to avoid excess spite or other feelings of friction) but do vaguely care as part of entity of the discord server i frequent i guess. wouldnt care if i never had to encounter you again / dont like how u werent more solid abt boundaries sooner but it was a confusing time and it was on both of us really, not that it matters anymore anyway / i still think about the noodles you made for the two of us the midnight when i was visiting, the midnight before i headed back home. but really as part of wider thing of food as social/appreciative thing. / i wouldntve reacted as stupidly to us parting had i known beforehand youd not be accompanying me on the train. Not That It Matters Anymore Anyway. maybe its fuckin good that we have each other blocked

Apr 02 - 10AM πŸ •

Guess What! it's bladee-harmonizing.mp3 time

Apr 01 - 9AM πŸ •

having some1 u need to slowly show the reins to at work is 😳😳😳 (but at least we got an xtra person for summertime now !!)

Mar 31 - 11PM πŸ •

oof ow i feel out of balance a bit

Mar 31 - 10PM πŸ •

ok this is rly clever lol, bias-in-law. tho i dont bumble in kpop realms so for my friends my faves would just be faves-in-law or fixations-in-law

Mar 31 - 9PM πŸ •

shit i need to eat more of proper stuff

Mar 31 - 1AM πŸ •

Mar 30 - 11AM πŸ •

and pretty soon after my london speedrun the shop i work at had a lil tryout-day person for the summer worker position and she meshed quite well w us and w the general stuff so i guess the blessed vibes r continuing !!

Mar 28 - 10PM πŸ •

my lil paper cranes slightly littered across at least this corner of the world what with me bestowing them upon music ppl i see performin live n whatnot

Mar 27 - 11PM πŸ •

anyway i had a blessed time !! my voice is halfgone rn, hopefully itll b somewhat back by morning

Mar 26 - 9AM πŸ •

the person that just sat next to me on the bus said hello as they settled down, was unexpectedly nice even (bc settling down next to some1 on the bus hasnt usually parsed to me as a 'say hello to stranger out of politeness' situation ha)

Mar 26 - 8AM πŸ •

the joys of brieftripping to somewhere with currently similar weather: i've been able to fit all my trip essentials into a shoulder bag lol (airplane friendly aka no liquids; of foodables there are just 5 granola bars tucked into a couple secret places)

this will be currently both the lightest and the furthest that ive travelled abroad. on my prior trips ive always used my backpack

Mar 26 - 7AM πŸ •

a tweet by 65daysofstatic lives in my head rentfree

tommmmorow is toaday

Mar 26 - 7AM πŸ •


Mar 25 - 7PM πŸ •

tomorrow TOMORROW T O M O R R O W

Mar 25 - 12PM πŸ •

when u want to snack but y'r at work and all yr snacks are at home. at least lunchtime coming soon

Mar 21 - 1PM πŸ •

currently in the mood of going thru and continuing to clean out some of the pics ive taken w phone

Mar 20 - 2AM πŸ •

update, the ambiguous phrase seems to be i love you, from the lyrics in the description of official upload 😭 all the sweeter (even tho none of the other lyrics of that part r specified there, so i guess more up to interpretation)

Mar 19 - 8PM πŸ •

well, or my life at least. dont have much control over others' which is okay

just that the best tiny moments comin to mind rn are rly just abt Connection n whatnot


Mar 19 - 8PM πŸ •

whole of crest is nice, whole of 5 star crest is lovely (and it being a tribute song to a friend of theirs... 😭), but just... something abt the 5th part somehow just... sheds light within me on all these moments of love thatve been n are n will be out there, as big or as tiny as they might all be. like Thats What Life Really Should Be About...

Mar 19 - 8PM πŸ •

a lot of the words in pt 5 of 5 star crest are rly mumbly so its hard to make out exactly what eccos saying in there but then, accompanying one ambiguous phrase hes repeating (on genius its currently transcribed as oh me and you but can b heard as other stuff), theres a rather clear

to eat, to kiss, to love / to eat, to love, to kiss (...)

something rly beautiful abt this in some rly simple way 😭

Mar 19 - 8PM πŸ •

full of love

Mar 18 - 10PM πŸ •

last part of 5 star crest is so soft it has me in tears

Mar 18 - 6AM πŸ •

NEW BLADEE N ECCO NEW BLADEE N ECCO im going to pull a someone whos a regular on sbecord and go on a walk to listen thru it for the first time. from what ive heard i might Love It

Mar 17 - 1PM πŸ •

rly funny to hear my manager and one of the ppl of meatshop next to us talking about very unideal candidates theyve encountered when looking for ppl for the shops

Im An Asset For Real lmaoooo my imperfection is that i like to chill and i like to listen to chunes from one earbud sometimes >:) but maybe its good that i like to chill rather than infinitely bust my ass off...less likely to burn out

Mar 16 - 1PM πŸ •

the thick slow feeling of international love

( https://topnotchdoodad.thoughts.page/#1647415016 )

so true

Mar 16 - 1PM πŸ •

be the maths problem final boss you wish to see in the world

Mar 15 - 12AM πŸ •

when u r rly happy abt how something u made came out but u made it as a gift and dont wanna share it more widely until After uve been able to gift it to the person

Mar 13 - 9PM πŸ •

Stop making fun of me its #illegal im just got of the phone with my lawyer

another of my fav bladee tweets

Mar 13 - 9PM πŸ •

and then theres oli "wanna tell the world how i jugged these samples but i'm scared i might get hit w 1000 copyright infringements" xl

n another one from like 4y ago thats something in th lines of him saying he feels his track titles r self-fulfilling prophecies so maybe instead of titles like stress junkie he should have (insert whatever healthy stuff here). and its aged rly funny considering his newest single is go oli go! + cartoon smile (tweeted @ him bout it too but lad doesnt seem to be much active on twi these days which is Honestly Valid.)

Mar 13 - 9PM πŸ •

another of my fav bladee tweets is the im just a vessel bro i didnt mean to flex on you tweet (idr the exact wording, too lazy to look up rn)

maybe i should do a little stroll thru his twi acc sometime feel like there might b a buncha gold

Mar 13 - 9PM πŸ •

head empty

Mar 12 - 2PM πŸ •

flow state in the bruh dimension is 1 of my fav bladee tweets

Mar 10 - 10PM πŸ •

but like ive listened to 4 (or potentially 5 depending on who the special guest will b) artists from that lineup of 8 (one of em who ive not listened is missing from the ra link) AND ive been REALLY into oli xl lately AND the plane tix seemed quite affordable SO

Mar 10 - 10PM πŸ •

sneeks brief london foray sponsored by tax returns (bc the main travel tix n the event tix have stayed within the amount i got back as tax returns recently for last yr)

Mar 10 - 10PM πŸ •


Mar 10 - 7AM πŸ •

time 2 enjoy sunny day off. phone back into the drawer

Mar 08 - 8PM πŸ •

n then the music mood of the day does a small 180 and its all decadent af

Mar 08 - 3PM πŸ •

now the afore-indirect-mentioned song has been in my head rentfree. warmest songs my weakness.

(cartoon smile by oli xl, for the lazy. 1:00-1:29 continues to tug at my lil heart even tho its just a lil harmonizing but it's warm af)

Mar 06 - 6PM πŸ •

or maybe its also the silly lil artist-fan connection by way of silly lil internet

sometimes its the lil things

Mar 03 - 10PM πŸ •

sometimes you slowly start bonding deeper with songs after certain moments

Mar 03 - 2PM πŸ •

brooding mood. sure!

i know itll pass so ig ill just brood for a lil

Mar 02 - 11PM πŸ •

but for now maybe a silly little doodle thats been on my mind in some shape or form and then bedtime

Mar 02 - 11PM πŸ •

think im starting to spread myself thin between online places. gotta ponder what to do abt it

Mar 02 - 9PM πŸ •

pondering about diy mint extract after reading one can diy it but id have to acquire, for that, a: 1) more airtight jar of idk what size, 2) vodka of unknown quantity (lol), 3) ideally fresh mint but this'll be easy once it's peak spring and whatnot, as it's set its foot decently in my parents' garden in these past couple years

Mar 02 - 9PM πŸ •

first workday after 1.5 weeks off went alright n chill. also gonna have the first non-solo saturday of the season this week so that's cool. also someone applying for summer worker job at the shop coming for trial day on friday while both manager and i are in which is cool too

Mar 01 - 7AM πŸ •

i dreamt that i found via oli xl's insta that he'd got/made some sorta different more explorable lil webpage than the actual x-l.love page is, there was some nerd shit (/complimentary), was gonna share somethin i found on it w a friend on discord but then i woke up and was like 'damn it was in a dream'

Feb 28 - 6PM πŸ •

though the site closure was announced a few months in advance so i had time to back up whatever i wanted to back up... but some mightntve even known bout it nonetheless

i still remember my user id (that was in the urls of the profile and pagethingy; mine was almost palindromic lol) and some of the usernames i had there and the chatroom's page id (the main 'branches' of the page were linked like (main domainfuckery)/id/(page id thing))

rest easy mΓ€ngukoobas

Feb 28 - 6PM πŸ •

phantoms of an estonian website i spent my childhood on n was still semifrequent on up til it was closed almost exactly a year ago

ive not ended up accidentally visiting the site since then, but still feels like some vague distant hole. though theres a discord server for ppl who used to go on there but ive not been in there for a few months now, wasnt much into the vibes and havent bothered to rejoin

(the site was mostly dedicated to flash games but it had plenty creative and social aspects too, each user had their own lil 'site' they could customize to some extent, the layout choices were predetermined and there was just some ltd choice of bbcode but otherwise got to go ham to childfriendly extent, designing headers and menu buttons and other stuff and havin lil subpages for stuff)

Feb 28 - 5PM πŸ •

sometimes the target state isnt spotless sometimes its cleaner

Feb 27 - 12PM πŸ •

finally tweaked this theme a bit, mwahaha wavy underlines

Feb 27 - 12PM πŸ •

perched on my silly chair listenin thru some silly music backlog on silly 'tubes

Feb 24 - 7PM πŸ •

been bopping to more of mostly oli's mixes this afternoon/evening

though this torus mix that came from autoplay after one of em was real nice too

Feb 24 - 8AM πŸ •

but ill b safe in fine ole estonia i believe

Feb 24 - 6AM πŸ •

hah that stuff got punted out the window by whatever This bullshit is

(returned tix for this weekend's yves tumor gig trip, got tix for a fest this july (while im on break too!!! blessed timing) in riga where they will be too, and also for a local gig this friday which is slightly good news on top of the bullshit)

though this still cute, oli xl's voice,

Feb 24 - 5AM πŸ •

fine i guess no other choice but to feel these feelings for however short or long theyll stick around!! Stupidly (Temporary-)Crushlike Feelings lol, i guess there can b some sort of fun in feelin this type of stuff w/o acting upon anything too

(tiny part of me feeling reflective bout last year when i did act upon crushfeelings, towards a friend of course, wouldntve otherwise, and wondering how itdve been had i never told them about the dream that made me crush on them in the first place)

Feb 24 - 4AM πŸ •

its kind of silly its kind of nice this resulting feeling LMAO fucking hell

Feb 24 - 4AM πŸ •

when u hear a mediumkey big fav artist of urs speak (at the start of a mix) for the first time w/o all the vocal fx foolery they have on in songs and its kind of the end of u because now its gonna slightly live in ur head rentfree


Feb 22 - 2PM πŸ •

operating under the assumption that there may be guests today (who knows)

Feb 22 - 1AM πŸ •

tragedy of having been like 'this would be a slapping username' at several phrases and yet having too much a unified online presence namewise to really use any of them..

Feb 20 - 3PM πŸ •

animal crossing jock villagers fitting whole gyms under their couches and shit

Feb 20 - 3PM πŸ •

would b nice if some of animal crossing logic worked irl. like, condensing whole furniture pieces into just leaves to shove into pockets. imagine that.

Feb 19 - 4PM πŸ •

silly way to harness creativity: pic manip for the purpose of custom discord emojis

Feb 19 - 11AM πŸ •

and some of the nicknames i associate w certain people whove called me that at least a couple times. snake, sne, sneebus, keens n sneekface, snik, Ε‘nek... these ones certainly.

Feb 19 - 11AM πŸ •

also from the aforelinked ecco interview

PXEΒ tends to be interpreted as a project about inner conflict. I don’t feel like there’s a conflict, necessarily. Personhood is just really complicated. Just because it’s not a singular, unified, streamlined reality, doesn’t mean that it’s in conflict. Sometimes it sounds like 50 people shouting at each other in my head, but it’s still a monologue. It’s still you.

think id at least subconsciously reached some sorta similar thoughts independently of this so this kinda speaks to me too

also makes me think about how mostly in a discord server i frequent in ive been called handfuls of permutations of 'sneek' (i guess thx to the person i crushed on for a while singlehandedly calling me handfuls of permutations of 'sneek') which i kind of find sweet in general. endless permutations of 'sneek' in a trench coat. perceived a litl differently by everyone. dynamic identity. all that.

Feb 19 - 11AM πŸ •

at least she didnt give me any grief or anything bout me not wanting to be anything specific as a kiddo so thats cool

Feb 19 - 11AM πŸ •

from that interview re the being asked what u want to do but not rly wanting anything specific

When you’re a kid, adults ask that all the time, and you have to have a good answer.

thinking of how its hella common for kids to wanna b some1 of some profession but my mom's told me i never really had anything specific in mind then (was too busy being a kid / being built different). iconic really.

Feb 19 - 11AM πŸ •

i quite like this ecco interview, i revisit it sometimes

Feb 19 - 11AM πŸ •

got a week off now, gonna simply chill for most of it

Feb 16 - 6AM πŸ •

in my hubris im a dumbass (read: 2nd night in a row of sleeping a bit under 4 hours before a workday)

Feb 15 - 10PM πŸ •

uh uh iconic

Feb 14 - 11PM πŸ •

sbecord buzzing about a potential drain somethin potentially droppin soon bc of there bein some teasin but i will merely just. slip thru life as ive been

even tho i do be lookin forward too, if it is indeed a something dropping soon

Feb 11 - 8AM πŸ •


Feb 09 - 11PM πŸ •

she woke me an hour before my alarm today about to throw up in my bed (managed to gently toss her on floor before) but its ok i still appreciate her

Feb 09 - 11PM πŸ •

she is currently snoozing next to me while i sit on my bed

Feb 09 - 11PM πŸ •

had my small wireless speaker propped up on my cats hollow big scratch post / cave pillar type thing while i was hanging laundry to dry, listening to some ecco, and she hopped atop it and chilled some. even used the speaker as some sorta pillow briefly which was cute. i gave plenty pets ofc

Feb 09 - 4PM πŸ •

work hard play hard i think to myself while sitting at the register comp playing candy crush on it

Feb 09 - 9AM πŸ •

turn your mental prison to a maze / turn the maze into a place where you're safe

(noblest strive, off the aforementioned album. the song has a satisfying flow to it)

Feb 09 - 8AM πŸ •

might b considering 333 my fav bladee album rn and the old drainheads can cry all they Want abt it

tho i oughta revisit the older bits of the discog, sometime

so much music so little time/energy

Feb 09 - 7AM πŸ •

brewing in this silly cocoon

Feb 09 - 12AM πŸ •

at least an impromptu nap i had reset my mind a little so im no longer thinking abt the couple of mutually blocked ppl rn. good.

Feb 09 - 12AM πŸ •

gonna find out tomorrow evening whether my manager can come to work from thurs, she said all her tests have been negative. manifesting thursday off, i got low mental energy

Feb 09 - 12AM πŸ •

not used to this level of... would it b ok for me to call this some sort of hyperfixation with my merely asd-flavoured spicy brain, it makes the most sense. not used to this level of that (day 2 of just sort of mostly listening to gud lmao), but its cool i guess !!

Feb 08 - 3PM πŸ •

part of mind: wonder if [blocked person 1] and [blocked person 2] have talked abou-

other part of mind: ratio + didnt ask + dont care + ecco2k smile + key jangling noises in comedown by gud + what of it

Feb 08 - 2PM πŸ •

not that it really matters

Feb 08 - 2PM πŸ •

though keep wondering sometimes during convos on that server how theyd look with me filtered out

Feb 08 - 1PM πŸ •

mutual blocking on a discord server feels nice feels right

Feb 08 - 6AM πŸ •

hopefully manager will b back from thurs itd b Nice

Feb 07 - 10PM πŸ •

I Do Not Choose The Brain Brr Of The Day

Feb 07 - 9PM πŸ •

admittedly it was nice stuff to chill at work to (listened to the rotation from one earbud)

Feb 07 - 9PM πŸ •

also i listened to a rotation of some unreleased gud tracks for like 7-8 hours straight today. my brain is a fun place. "oh is this gud singing on some of the tracks? thats kind of cute," my brain went, and 7 hours later i was still at it

Feb 07 - 9PM πŸ •

dread from it, run from it, ecco2k arrives just the same

someone in the discord server i most frequent, during one of our collab playlists, where someone thats not me had subbed ecco2k

Feb 03 - 5PM πŸ •

the way im gettin out of sick leave just as my manager has ended up in iso as close contact lol. truly global the achoo

Feb 03 - 1AM πŸ •

my cat has been melted across my lap for the last few hours, send help

Feb 02 - 4AM πŸ •

cant fkn SLEEP

Feb 01 - 11PM πŸ •

or nah thats not all

it was a comment on youtube of some1 saying they feel the song is more about overcoming ones struggles than about death which made the song crack right open for me because it rly makes sense that way too within eccos work

i guess it resonated w me even more than it couldve bc i properly picked up the song soon before my birthday last year, a few months ago, and after a big crush i'd been having on some1 and whatnot.

tho itd probably gain some new dimension once i have to cope with some1 dear to me passing, for all i know it could be my cat, shes still healthy but shes turning 16 this july so who knows

ok thats all i think

Feb 01 - 11PM πŸ •

another sweetest thing abt that song: the beginning repeats 'theres a star theres a glimmer' a few times but one of the lines is 'youre a star theres a glimmer' instead, even tho its not v clear from the song but its there on the lyric sheet.

another sweetest thing abt that song: how 1 of the lines towards the end is 'say goodbye, i walk into the light' (for context for the following, the song is bonus track of e, ecco's first proper release) and then in pxe (first track off pxe the second proper release) one of the bits is 'come out of shell, come into the light'

another sweetest thing abt that song: most beautiful background vox. and the prod being dreamy af as well

ok thats all. just rly love that song

Feb 01 - 11PM πŸ •

in my arms, i leave my life in yours / i go on to live so many more

(life after life by ecco2k)

most beautiful and beloved song to me rn. to the point where ive sort of sometimes been wanting to punt some type of dm to ecco (prob via twitter. even if idk how likely hed b 2 look at it it via there either) abt how its 1 of my most beloved things n thanking so much n whatnot. bc this world could always use more of kind words i guess. and this thing has fr resonated w me so much

Jan 31 - 10PM πŸ •

been workin on lessening my watchlater on the 'tubes which is nice. now its mostly just music stuff aka more listenlater than watchlater

Jan 31 - 10PM πŸ •

cat stop screaming every night challenge

Jan 31 - 10PM πŸ •

listening 2 girls just want to have fun by bladee and ecco last night while i was in bed (though i didnt fall asleep til hrs later) made me want to dance in some way but i tend 2 b too selfconscious to dance alone

Jan 30 - 6PM πŸ •

kick iii n kick iiii verdict: were ok enough as albums but just stashing away some standout songs for later possible rotation we shall see

Jan 28 - 10PM πŸ •

also been mildly down with what might be covid, because my parents are positive too. tho mostly been a sore throat, but i feel like it's finally letting up

Jan 28 - 10PM πŸ •

might be finally starting to digest arca's newer kicks. i was too much in ecco mode when they dropped but feel some sort of lull coming rn

kick ii verdict: i vibe with the whole thing really

Jan 28 - 12AM πŸ •

selfconcsious, need to be offline touch some grass

hungry also

Jan 27 - 10AM πŸ •

sometimes cute 2 behold excited ppl

Jan 27 - 9AM πŸ •

im having exposure to russian-language hyperpop type stuff rn from some1 who joined the server i mainly frequent not even 24 hrs ago or something

Jan 27 - 9AM πŸ •

discord spotify listen-alongs can b fun

Jan 25 - 2PM πŸ •

listening thru rogue intruder soul enhancer by oli xl for the umpteenth time, over a while

some part of me has categorized a lot of oli's music as music for cloudy weather (the debut ep definitely is, listened to that before too), but right now with mostly clear sky and sun mostly out the album still feels perfect and feel like itd be in any weather

currently on mimetic

Jan 23 - 2PM πŸ •

but a lot of effort to try figure out what might b worth to keep

Jan 23 - 2PM πŸ •

room full of clutter

Jan 23 - 12PM πŸ •

head full of noise

Jan 22 - 6AM πŸ •

vaguely profound dream. hold tht thought

Jan 22 - 12AM πŸ •

a trenchcoat of sneeks

Jan 21 - 10PM πŸ •

helped someone remember the name of a track (based on a wrong-chords-right-rhythm main melody recon + a couple clues), makes me happy

Jan 18 - 12AM πŸ •

full moon, currently...

Jan 18 - 12AM πŸ •

i guess i might be continuing to gawk at this bc its been a longer while since i was this fulltilt into a music artist (my peak moa pillar hogwild fan time in terms of listening was 2017), im savouring the relative newness

Jan 18 - 12AM πŸ •

or maybe less than somewhat.

my lastfm has ridiculous amounts of ecco as of late

Jan 17 - 1AM πŸ •

at least somewhat.

Jan 17 - 1AM πŸ •

my taste so lost in the drain its in the whole sewage, the whole pipework, the whole network

Jan 14 - 5AM πŸ •

actually that exchange is tied w this one i just beheld:

"hmmmmmm... should I discog run arca later in the year"

"do it sooner than later before she drops another four albums"


Jan 14 - 5AM πŸ •

paying respects in january 2022 to my january 2017 self being full tilt into moa pillar by being full tilt into ecco2k.........my thoughts page and whoever beholds this will simply just have to cope and seethe

Jan 14 - 5AM πŸ •

fav exchange of tonight: i share a snippet to a friend of ecco performing pollen live, the friend goes like 'oh. my. god. is this heaven. what song is this??' (pollen, i answer) 'i think you just showed me my fav ecco track'

Jan 13 - 4PM πŸ •

was lookin at the dusk sky for some time from living room window, nice gradient, a few tufts of cloud drifting by quite quick. mom asked if somethin was happenin outside, i was like, just clouds. sometimes nothing much happening can b beautiful n blissful too

time to make food

Jan 13 - 3PM πŸ •

my whole . mmy whole being is a stupid little butterfly sanctuary rn

my silly self waxing poetic

Jan 12 - 8PM πŸ •

chilled in a vc for like 7 hrs today and then proceeded to plop a merch shirt into an animal crossing new horizons custom design type thing. productive day innit !!

Jan 11 - 11PM πŸ •

also nice n blissful (perfectlystill [gemstone1], also by ecco)

ambient-adjacent ecco my ultimate weakness, these days... or at least on some moments, such as tonight

Jan 11 - 11PM πŸ •

it's v nice n blissful, the tune and the vid

re video: never have played sonic adventure 2 or suchlike so have never actually got to interact w chao but they seem like cute creatures

Jan 11 - 11PM πŸ •

no thoughts in my head. only eccology by ecco2k

Jan 10 - 12PM πŸ •

the buns of the local hospital's cafe slap. got a couple cinnamon rolls and a couple wiener bun type things. rly nice. and i'm feeling fine after the jab rn

Jan 10 - 2AM πŸ •

i shouldve looked at city bus times before booking booster jab appt

Jan 09 - 1PM πŸ •

also yesterday i ended up buying a longsleeved shirt and a 2000piece jigsaw puzzle

Jan 09 - 1PM πŸ •

still gotta give my damn eyes a break, after sleep

Jan 09 - 3AM πŸ •

part of me wanna listen to sad music but my eyes hurt and by extension my ears want rest

Jan 09 - 3AM πŸ •

thinkin back on last august

once the now former crush and i intentionally severed contact it freed up the mindspace to truly be on my bullshit

Jan 07 - 7PM πŸ •

got paid today also so theres that adding to the decadence a little too, in addition to the break (tho i did punt most of it right into savings)

gonna get boosterjabbed on monday too, hope my body wont be too much like 'wtf ? ? ?' at it (got the j jab like 7 months ago, i was fine from that besides a lil tiredness which mightve also been bc of other stuff, and soreness at the site)

and sometime next week a cereal nite type vidcall/chat w a friend (again tho 1st one was months ago lol, and yes we did simply chill, n eat cereal) bc why not >:)

Jan 07 - 6PM πŸ •

feeling decadent, might go out for pizza tomorrow after work ends for lunch (sat workdays til 2pm. and then ill have a week off work), then might peep the clothes selection at the like. mall thing. or whatever. the one thats technically part of the same branch of the chain/co-op the shop i work at belongs to also (and which is not far from it) so i could get employees discount there >:)

Jan 04 - 11PM πŸ •

ok it can be a semiforbidden stim toy on other levels too

Jan 04 - 8AM πŸ •

monky brain wants to try eject a different much less valuable cd from e's ejector case at full force. i will sit at work w this thought all day probably

Jan 04 - 7AM πŸ •

IT'S HERE IT'S HERE i can fetch it omw to work !!

Jan 04 - 6AM πŸ •

the current mystery: will the parcel with ✨the cd✨ be dropped in post office or parcel machine. will find out today or tomorrow. cant wait

Jan 04 - 12AM πŸ •

looking at a persons lastfm account just as they r listening to a couple tracks off an album u introduced to em the other day = +10 serotonin or whatever

Jan 03 - 11PM πŸ •

today been a feast

Jan 03 - 3PM πŸ •

i guess ill mop the floor around nowish n then count the cash register n then just continue fooling (and customering as needed) til closing

Jan 03 - 3PM πŸ •

the sheer trust the manager of the shop has in me is somewhat extremely a vibe lol, im workin alone all week while shes on break this week (n then vice versa next week), its extremely calm here this time of year so im mostly just vibing to music from 1 earbud (while radio plays from aux) and fooling around on a dragon pet site type thing (flight rising)

Jan 01 - 5PM πŸ •

checking thru some of my backlog, but punted some familiar shit into the midst of an album listenthrough bc felt like listenin to a couple certain bladee songs while beholding early dusk

skramz to some songs off exeter by bladee n back to skramz is a fun twist

Jan 01 - 2AM πŸ •

tiktok this tiktok that. i only know mechatok

(was gna tweet this but i dont know if id like it 2 b searchable)

Dec 31 - 6PM πŸ •

heartbreak is fine kindling for a good drain

a friend of mine after i said the ashes of a figuratively burnt down crushstate made way for me being rly into drain gang

Dec 31 - 1AM πŸ •

the lil harmonizing in cartoon smile by oli xl feels like the audio equivalent of a most comforting hug

Dec 31 - 1AM πŸ •

clawing at these walls of the self n of some particular loneliness or whatever it is

Dec 31 - 1AM πŸ •

nvm i guess ive hit some point of mental exhaustion rn im not feelin too hot

itll pass

Dec 30 - 10PM πŸ •

ive been listening to the same snip of bladee harmonizing for what must be at least a combined 6 hours total the past couple of days or something. had it going on (manual) loop for 4 hours from one earbud yesterday while i was at work. its very pretty.

Dec 30 - 10PM πŸ •

strange that i have low mental energy these days but dont seem to be unhappy w things as they are rn?

me getting stuck on looping songs/albums a bunch must be a manifestation of it. and not having much energy for longer out-of-the-blue dming with ppl one on one (a lil ye but been more barebones on my end mostly esp w my best friend heh).

and not having much energy for actively playing animal crossing rn. i guess a break from that would b nice and freeing. been wanting to chip away at ecco the dolphin some more (have got to the point where i gotta fetch the asterite's missing orb)

and been wanting to deal with the state of my room, and been wanting to pick up handicrafts again more actively but i would have to at least temporarily drop something else to have the mental energy to do that. been on discord too much anyway i feel. and at this point i dont think cutting some of it would make me feel as lonely as some part of me thinks it would. will see how to proceed i guess.

Dec 27 - 7AM πŸ •

had the most frictionless wakeup-to-oatmeal process today. (my cat yelled for food, waking me up at squarely 6am, and i found myself to be awfully hungry too)

Dec 26 - 11PM πŸ •

also i did manage to make and decorate all the gingerbreads yesterday which was really nice. and went n had some fun in the snow today which was also really nice.

Dec 26 - 11PM πŸ •

my active taste in an ecco chamber right now fr

Dec 26 - 10PM πŸ •

another one on the horizon possibly, ive been listening to killer bee remix of calcium by ecco for like 13 times in a row now and the person has some music of their own which im now inclined to check out too. who knows tho. but the damn remix slaps.

Dec 25 - 4PM πŸ •

gonna try get around to making gingerbreads today from the dough i made a few days ago. have a fuckton of icing too which might be fun

Dec 25 - 4PM πŸ •

was in bed for like around 14 hours or something mostly sleeping, guess i needed it. might be a silent day today, dont even know where my parents are rn. nice n peaceful n quiet over the holidays for once

(have had one of my bros come over w his wife n their 2 small kids the past couple/few xmases but not this time which is really nice)

Dec 24 - 2PM πŸ •

merry christmas to everyone and in particular that one swiss person on discogs (re)selling the ecco2k e cd because fuck it i bought it bc i was feeling kind and my wallet could manage it

Dec 23 - 2PM πŸ •

oh also a couple songs on e by ecco r yves prod i forgot to mention that connection [not that it much matters to most that may stumble here but still >:)]

and tbf i rly like both of em

anyway time to continue chilling at work i guess

Dec 23 - 2PM πŸ •

tho maybe ill put on some ecco from my earbuds later too. sometimes i impress myself in how much repeat value im able to find in some stuff. built different.

Dec 23 - 2PM πŸ •

is my mind musically just orbiting drain/ecco2k-but-only-adjacent-to-them realms rn (ecco's opened for some yves shows; the pre-oxhy new-discovery type obsession was a mechatok album and mecha has produced for dg...). yes, yes it might be. not complaining tho

might screw around and shove my local files on shuffle again while at work (or while at home) some fine time tho to kick up some more dust

Dec 23 - 2PM πŸ •

current mild obsesh: safe in the hands of love by yves tumor (feel like i might slowly make my way thru each of their releases n savouring em i guess ! but who knows where the hell my brain will take me next)

economy of freedom (1 of the songs off that) made me cry a lil the other nite bc the lyrics touched some dormant feelings-stuff within me

Dec 21 - 6AM πŸ •

very unideal amount of sleep

Dec 20 - 1PM πŸ •

tho on the other hand it can get kind of lonely on solo workdays

Dec 19 - 6PM πŸ •

i guess i like knowing which workdays im on my own on bc during lunch break ill have to entirely close shop for the half an hr and then i can loudly sing along to a bit of music bc nobody to overhear me, unlike at home n on non-alone workdays

Dec 18 - 10PM πŸ •

ive been doing some private thought-venting on a private twitter acc bc i use a 3rd party twit client app thing on my phone thats kinda nice n light (sure it doesnt support dms and stuff LMAO but nonetheless i like it) (twidere btw) and can spit out the thoughts at instant.

wondering how my thoughts might split btwn here n there...

Dec 18 - 10PM πŸ •

been kind of obsessed w this ep (rights of spring by oxhy) laaaaargely bc of the song w the ecco2k feature but the whole thing has nice broody vibes

Dec 18 - 10PM πŸ •

[gently prods at this text box] ok lets go. lets see. lets Experiment

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