i also exist here i suppose / π
or rather to fully register that there is guitar present
only took me a combined 1k listens of ribbon bone by instupendo and oli xl to notice that theres a lil bit of guitar in the bridge bit or whatever it is of the song
what the fuck its finally still light at 4pm again (the change of seasons might b my fav season)
"(...) exactly 1.8 second tracks (or one bar of a 133.33bpm rhythm) designed to loop infinitely. (---) The tracks are often used by adventurous DJβs and turntablists as reliable transition tools, but can also be enjoyed by the home listener with olympic stamina." internally crylaughing...the home listener with olympic stamina...me
(via this; i've been listening to of fucking course the oli xl one on loop rn for a little bit. it's very oli, even within those 1.8 seconds)
loopy
from yesterday's meandering walk home from work:
dark out but moon and stars peeking thru cloud, wet/icy wintry, but some feeling of impending spring within; walking through a block of apartment buildings, no streetlights, but some warmly lit windows; quietly singing along to the cartoon smile vocal bit as i walked and looked around
mashup concept: peacewalker by moa pillar x (jet generation +) flower circuit by oli xl
could be quite fertile ... if only i had the skill / patience / energy haha, maybe someday..
clown sleep
sure doing several silly things at the same time can be fun but theres a calm joy in just focusing on one thing at a time too
slightly overwhelming thought, while washing dishes: every thing around me at that moment has been made by some people or others...
overcast sky, droplets glistening in trees against street lights, lit windows of houses along the street
couldnt sleep well but still gotta go to work im goign to phase thru . fuckijg. walls
need to go to sleep earlier tn
make that 5 friends
a funny fucking thing abt this fixation is how ive gone off enough about it that like 4 different friends of mine have asked me how tall oli is......... (i guess an inevitability when the artistname is oli xl)
but maybe that says more about me and my preference for more local shit if possible than about the soul of lidl
a customer droppin by sayin they swear by lidl n are glad one is gonna be built in this town too
idk feels soulless to me though ive only been to a lidl once. maybe i shouldnt speak on this cuz of that. i wld probably still swear by the more local chain options despite prices
gonna make it work
potentially sent my digestive system slightly to hell with rlly spicy ramen
lady with beanie that says bruh
fml aimlessly bumbling online again
experimenting with the timestamps on my thoughts page
i guess it doesnt help that i've shifted from age to [abbreviated] birthyear in most of my socmedia bios/abouts so i wouldnt end up forgetting to update them at some point down the line or whatever
talk of 26 i barely feel 26 i still feel 25 i dont know man. is it at this point that im starting to lose my grip on my precise age lol
kinda funny fucking situation from the other night: while discussing oli xl with someone in a server i'm in's general channel a friend who was lurking the chat dm-ed me asking if i have a crush on him ππ not escaping known-person crush allegations even at 26
this music tying my sleepy brain into loose knots rn
some rare times it all goes to silly ideas hell or wherever with me thinking "lowkey a cross-stitch-decorated pillow w this would go hard ngl LOL" or whatnot
hyperfixation centrifugal mode
it's w/e i dont even talk to them actively anymore
slightly disheartening when one person has some kinda problem w something abt how u are or what u do while everyone else is ok with it or sometimes even encouraging to an extent
also my throat hella red and so so easily irritable cuz of some common virus so i guess work is entirely off the table for this week while i try target it w the antibiotic my gp prescribed me
divin deeper in the oli xl iceberg
2nd time as of recent that ive found out about the death of some prominent estonian person thru my best friend telling me about how they found out about it thru like tumblr or reddit
also i still had to bail from work midway today bc was feeling too sickly. resting now
also the funny thought of probably taking up a wee bit of space in lad's mind by way of having caught SIX of his irl sets this yr lol
at least just a slight sore throat and slight feverishness and less appetite... no coughing n nose fully functional which is good
bit sickly, dont wanna get fully sick
already dreamt i woke up late for work while a bit sickly n had to figure out whether to go at all
moa pillar being like 'but i need to finish my album first' in the caption of a recentish ig post of his, if moa album drops before oli album i Will Fucking Die (this is a joke obviously) Or At Least Sue The Year 2022
but at the same time, when i caught the rome oli xl set, oli recognized and waved at me upon spotting me before the sets while setting up, im never going to fail
feelin a bit solemn today
grant me the strength to survive this car trip mentally thank u
unnecessarystressmas
the biggest discount sometimes is when u dont buy the random thing at all
ok but what i rly want is a couple good elastic hairbands and some comfy boxertype undies
blew up like 5 balloons and now my left ear wants to Die
wake up to usual alarm and my parents.. Fuck ... remember i have day off today....Oooo Yeeaaa
kuidas tuvastada lonitseera austajat: kΓΌsi neilt sidrunhappe tΓ€isnimetust
sidrun π΅ hape π΅ 2-hΓΌdroksΓΌpropaan- π΅ 1,2,3-trikarboksΓΌΓΌlhape π΅
but maybe its part me being overwhelmed by the thought of my own digital footprint
this thought stirs something within me
because I realized that when I'm looking at stuff on the internet - scrolling thru timelines and feeds - I'm not actually interested in what I'm consuming, I'm just passively experiencing other people's interests,
hmmm mby im grappling w a similar issue...
(altho some of my internet time is me gushing at others abt my interests hahaha)
sometimes its like, this is nice but aint sticking with me personally [re some album or other from backlog]
vegan junk food bar paperflags upon the hygienestuffs container of mine
dreamt of trains
but back-and-forthing with someone thats about as batshit as me got me dropping new phrases ever such as "dust nerve lily headcanon" and "in lifting oli xl we trust"
2 much hot chocolate
dreamt i was makin a snowman
intricate dance w life
what if i just. file down the amount of discord servers im in (tho tbf a lot of those im in for just the emojis)
flailing too much digitally
the densest regular customer award goes to [ ]
[popcorn crunch sounds] [funky music playing from earbuds] what if one of my current fashion goals is just [more popcorn crunching] stealing some of oli xl's swag but [quietly sips hot chocolate] more blatantly queerly
or: youve heard of bladee clones youve heard of ecco2k clones now get ready for
actually: no i won't at least consciously be stealing oli's swag but. fella's at least vague i guess fashion sense on occasion stirs something within that of mine ngl ! ! ! (well and i am already blatantly queer i GUESS ... fucking 'lgbtq pants' as someone in a discord server im in put it re my current frequent pair of pants being rainbow ππ and all that)
feeling giggly rn hehe
an improvement from yesterday tho i felt decent in daytime but pretty shite that morning n evening but sometimes it just be like that tbh
need to plot somethin else for to-go lunch, pasta time over for now, dont feel compelled w the thought of more of that. wrap time ?
"early xmas gift" not like i dropped like 1/8 of my monthly wage on two different wearable merch things today after getting paid (one i'll get my hands on tomorrow, the other who knows)
obsessed with how this lil backpack-shaped charm i decided to get from grocery store toy section just about perfectly 1) fits for this plush bunny i have and 2) fits the portable bluetooth speaker that i have
early xmas present
shoutout to the newer workplace ups unit, was finally useful w this random split-second power outage
wok intruder pole enhancer
its funny to read back on my diary writings from like 10 yrs ago or so and see one thats like omg %fave_artist% acknowledged my existence, while by now im like Thems Just Some Fellas Too hehe
customer: compliments me being all communicatin n kind n shi
my introverted ass: OU
tempted to acquire some typa drawing tablet ..
my brain is annoying today. not sure how much of it is because of parental presence in next rooms
have been having this little memo on my phones homescreen where i vaguely rollingly plan out what to do on some coming day or other, accounting for workdays etc... seems to be useful
on solo days, at least... and gives a little bit of a festive air without straight-up being xmas tunes lmao
(got complimented by a customer for that the other day; i wonder what they wouldve said had they strolled in on one of my rogue intruder soul enhancer mornings or evenings π tho havent put it on from shop aux anymore since being humbled some time back by one of the ppl from adjacent meatshop going like what is this music?! at liquid love ππ)
i like puttin on the estonian broadcastin service's classical radio at work, grates my soul less n stimulates my mind a lil more than the usual choices (and they dont only play classical tbf)
merry go-oli-go!-cartoon-smile-single-dropping-anniversary theres silly significance to this for me in a way
miniorchid status: 3 blooms spent and the other 2 on their way out too, but seems more coming up slowly surely
LOCATED ANOTHER PERSON THAT SEEMS TO BE FIXATIN ON OLI AT SOME LEVEL this is crazy i thought i was the only one...
watched the newest bill wurtz vid after a while of being under a rock re his more recent uploads... rlly liked it
the gender-nonspecific craving to clear out my house in animal crossing new horizons and repopulate the rooms from scratch with whatever i can get my hands on
fun times
and restless
feeling a little stupid
the slightly stupid moment when uve been in a wack position that cuts off some circulation n whatnot from ur legs and u have to feel em come fully back online after having straightened back out
first snow
planted a little neocities site sprout, had been meaning to but was inspired by a friend of mine in a discord server havin started one today too
(quiet internal whimpering)
freshly acquired miniorchid status: 5 blooms
theres (still) a slight mΓ€ngukoobas-shaped hole in my internet-heart
what feistily catchin a mildly unreasonable amount of oli xl dj sets this year has gained me: several new friends/mutuals; at least one new lowkey fave artist; new experiences; ...a mild battle with bed bugs thanks rome
forecast predicts clear skies for sat and sun, makes me happy
spouting thoughts / sprouting thoughts
palate cleanse
feel like im startin to slow down for the season, mentally
been feelin Nicer
wounded [emotionally]
might go on long walk after lunch regardless of weather. just might
set up a text file where to sort of just ramble about things on my mind while at my comp via focuswriter (it's nice n customizable that application)
will see where it goes
all about the approaches i guess ! ! !
thinkin abt this thought:
If tech platforms made engagement cues/data private, only for the poster or creator to see, would that change the way we see the world/ourselves (considering how these platforms have already shaped behavior)?
(+ the precursor thought im 2 lazy 2 repaste here but) true @ spotifys fueling of perhaps sometimes harmful fandom energy on the one hand, but then at the other end of the spectrum theres for instance me using lastfm (its fun 2 look at the silly numbers) but being rlly selfconscious of it sometimes bc of my Natural Tendencies(TM) to latch onto some music or other more intensely haha
and the big fixative olimode still ever so strong; last night i stumbled upon a full(!!!) audio recording of a live(!!!) set i had no idea existed n i rlly love it ngl... oli xl xr the way i still unearth shit i had no idea about
i love the intro... it's really cozy
and also a nice unreleased (alas...) thing after mimetic! and hesitate w/ redacted verse tht hes mentioned on twitter in a ri,se q&a!! and also clumsy w/ xtra verse?!?
as for now im solidly back in the everyday rhythm
fond memory: the friend i got to hang out with in ldn nerding out abt art (had em take me to tate modern n tate britain hehe)
ciampino airport as tiny as tallinn's but not even half as cozy
Fuck A Morning Flight if i have to catch it by comin from hostel instead of str8 from event
shyly sinking thru floor every time i spot someone doing .fmwhoknows oli xl in some discord server im in unprompted, me being top by much
intimidated by my own sheer feist
rainy yesterday, rainy today
chronic enjoyer of music
been a hot minute since i received a weather warning notif from the estonian weather app haha, allegedly quite windy tomorrow
fuck it we continue to ball whilst able to
u really do never know which of the tiny obsessions end up growing into at least a months-long fixation type thing
might listen to mixes off my soundcloud listenlater list all evening
gonna try to bring a small bunch of things to the local reuse centre tomorrow, been meaning to
a bit tidier
ambient online presence
but gotta try redirect the aimlessness energies in more satisfying ways...
a little aimlessness as a treat
once again dragged along by the everyday
gatekeep me from x-l.love PLEASE /lh
[from small cozy tallinn airport perspective] have u ever lingered at an airport's arrivals area in late evening, when havin to arrive super early for absurdly early morning flight
has a special energy to it
ho ly shit the new felix lee n oxhy song (off upcomin felix release) goes too hard
hahaha my heart is proverbially so Warm it almost Hurts but not negatively mannnn
eepy
got to talk more back-and-forth about oli xl w someone for once, the hyperfixative proverbial bees inside my mind are more humbled and quiet for now haha
that on top of spotting someone on a discord server im in spouting some bullshit about condoning russias ukraine invasion too (tho i blocked em n the convo was swept into the void later anyway). sometimes the internet is too fucking much but i stupidly persist to bring more kindness
i mean sure shits all skewed in all sortsa ways n shit but eh still idk. mby some ppl should sit down n let themselves be mesmerized thoroughly by something. i dont know. not my fucking problem what they think. i express my appreciation in ways i want n can while i can. don't even know where im going with this.
came across a tweet (via a crtitcizing qrt to be fair) tht referred to music as c*ntent (in a consumer-y way) n it lowkey almost made me wanna throw up on some level
felt so belittling in a way, beholding that as a heavy enjoyer of music. me nd other ppl out here developing deep bonds to certain music and thru certain music and some soggy loaf of bread dares sit on their ass at a keyboard referring to tht medium in a way that implies brainless consumption fucking stupid
calm existence
just about read eurodance instead of endurance from a pet food package for some reason
but its fun to be tapped in on the Details! hahaha
and a couple different friends in the past have said about a prior Huge Fave of mine both that they wish they loved something as much as i love the fave and that they wish someone loved them as much as i love the fave haha
silly big feelings! but maybe a strength to keep having the big feelings
hahahaaha im thinkin bout this thing someone in a lil friendserver type thing im in said some time back (context: they make music)
I would like someone being obsessed with me like you with Oli no cap
saw kate nv perform live too after 3 yrs since last time. loved her set
to whom the estonian song n dance celebration every few years
to whom oli xl dj sets currently every few months
Hungry At The Flight Gate
saw the little crane make a tiny cameo in oli's ig story, makes me happy makes me smile
i love to go thru others thoughts pages on the webring but haven't had the time / energy lately, but i guess itll be something to do during the portions of waiting im gonna have during the upcoming lil weekend trip !
its fun to have my manager be like 'u oughta do [x]' and me havin already done it outta boredom a couple days back lmfao
mentally kickin my legs in the air im excited a lil
my fave genre is electronic music guys whose looks somehow give off lesbian vibes (/complimentary)
both of the ones ive been a huge fan of to the point of travelling abroad to catch sets are like that in ways haha
eccology by ecco2k + being at besties place, not having got outta bed yet + gentle sunlight on the drawn curtains + smell of presumably pancakes their mom might be making already downstairs
when u go like hehe at something but the context is secret intel for now so cant fuckin indulge in it at anyone hahahha
shld buy the bus tix for the trip
head Hurts
awkward and not lonely feels a lot better than lonely and inevitably awkward
-some1 in a server i frequent
connection is all there is to it
the one thing i Hate about the reusable menstrual pads ive got: w the general sorts of underwear ive got right now they fucking ride up my butt so much while im walking
YES confirmed im gonna get the one day off i want/need in august actually off too !
but the fest was nice. highlights: being almost barricade for yves tumor n band (yves was goin past us w hands toward us n tongue out at 1 point lmfao i passed up the fine privilege of getting licked tho hahaha); being enamored by thundercat's drummer just goin at it esp during one of the songs
Five Millionth Time Of This Album Without Getting Permanently Tired Of It! How Do I Even Manage To Do It
stupid proverbial brain worm garden
was socially exhausted after positivus day one, but the sleep reset most of that. nice enough. need to go get food
bumbling about
Seems Like Some Time Til Then Still Tho
haha thinking abt how one day i might wake up / get online to a bandcamp notification of oli xl has announced an album or whatever itd exactly be and how that day i will go so hogwild
focus, pay attention,
note 2 self: mint extract started, today
like sure i might live 4 hours bus ride from the nearest airport but i live like a 2 minute walk from my towns main bus station which mildly balances things out
currently completely gatekeeping myself from discord on mobile and it feels... peaceful
I mean I enjoy hearing about sneek Oli fixation and it brings a smile to my lil face every time I read your writings / I rate it a 10/10
-someone in a discord server im in
π₯²π₯²
enthused 2 much, leaked into my dreams
warm cozy warm cozy warm
summer break soon lets gooo
rlly glad u are safe
cartoon smile spring, cartoon smile summer
What The Hell
me-time
crosspost from discord:
nooooo im literally chillin in an airbnb with maybe like 7 other ppl floatin around the bnb rn and im on my phone enthusing over oli still my life is a COMEDY
tho rn been FLOWIN in the good times
when someone asks me help with the train ride and im like Bro Im Equally Clueless
smell of something adjacent to cinnamon buns, adjacent to the self-service library type thing, at the airport
silly goofy silly goofy silly goofy
holy fuck i need to go thru and clean out some emails sometime
feelin big irl/url love
lol the dg warsaw show itself was postponed today, into september, but i was gonna go with some ppl and we'd all booked a pretty fire airbnb too so we decided that we're still gonna go hang out n ball which might still be quite lovely
having 2 weeks off work in like 2.5 weeks..!! plus the drain gang warsaw thing before that omg omg (i need to book the bus tix for it...)
It Was Very Worth It
while my 2 coworkers gettin ready to go to work today im gettin ready to go on a trip !!
in my hubris im once again a dumbass (read: 3 hrs sleep)
the production on victim by drain gang is so immensely summery it blows my mind lowkey. a big delight to listen. super super chill
thinkin about how moa pillar (a longtime fave music artist) was like 'this is crazy' at when i gave him a minor fuckton of tiny paper cranes out of appreciation after one of the times ive seen him perform
and about how oli called my headgeared crane the insanest thing or something
and im like, to me the craziest thing is how yall can just conjure up soundscapes just like that
and the desire for having a burger for lunch
carrying vague dread n vague loneliness but also not so vague joy
ok vibes!
awful vibes
fun to look at one of the it ppl poke at our main work comp remotely its as if some ghost was fiddling inside it but Not Really
walk mood? super pretty out rn
plus figuring out how to rename screenshots in a nice more organized way
almost june and its chilly out. feels wrong
time gone halfway into the void tonight again
at least currently.
the outcome of it being released and the outcome of it not being released but there being some other ecco feat on ltl might both be okay...! fortunately theres a full enough ok enough recording of the unrelease
part of my mind entirely replaced w that certain ecco & oli unreleased track
the lilacs are in bloom. a fave time of year
unrelated: sneek do sum digital boundaries ur spreading urself too thin across 2 many places
til literal licking of (camera) lens can be useful... some1 in a discord server im in does some underwater filming n tht apparently helps in the lens not fogging up n stuff. sillily delightful knowledge (Sorry [Name Redacted] Oli Reference Now)
told a friend that across these three days off i might fuck around and i might find out but maybe just fuck around
ive fucked around, ive found out!
i meant italic not cursive... it's called kursiiv in estonian tbf
but italic emojis hilarious on my laptop too
feeling a lot of love thru silly little internet lately
walk mood
altho it seems to have evened out a little right now... slowly going to my summer level of listening to music (aka less than in winter)
wait til you see my lastfm profile mr bossman bigman etc...
well, talk of, finally did the other night...! i was like, its rlly lovely rlly heartwarming even after a lowkey lethal amount of plays love it a lot thank you for real
lad dared to be like wait til you hear the rest !!!! at first and Respectfully I Been Waiting A While
the way the world remains simultaneously extremely fucking stupid and quite wholesome. fucking multitudes
i got plenty love for lots of things but overhearing some of the shit my parents spout that aint it
not knowing is the spice of life
kinda fun tho, outsneaking n forcing to outsneak... lol
anyway i kinda wanna go do stuff but my cat's loafing on me
this dream i had aged a lil funnily, the lad added a lil bloggish blurb as an easter egg on that site the other night.
not gonna tell abt that dream tho, but did msg him about the easter egg, maybe i shouldntve and shouldve just continued silently observing to see what he wouldve continued doing w it hahaha
got clarence clarity stuck in my head (listened a lil last night)
a customer (an older lady) told me today how it's always a delight to recognize me by the stripey pants [my rainbow pants] ππ
plus these bandcamp fridays currently always land to just a few days before my payday pretty much
"GetΒ all 14 Bloom Β©2019 releasesΒ available on Bandcamp and saveΒ 35%." OK MR BOSSMAN BIGMAN BIG BOY OLI WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO SAVE 35%!! music feels Important to me and i got some spare Money so i will toss Some of it
(and also i had the 4 oli things under w-i/bloom already anyway)
approximately once a month i will want to listen thru all of oli xl's at least rinse fm mixes
also gonna go to tartu again ..!! :D
this time for a friend's birthday, she's bringing cake to the bar she frequents
the three genders: blue eyes / clear eyes / rest my eyes
(this thought sponsored by ecco2k)
& it makes me want 2 give bear hugs 2 several friends but the closest ones live an hour away n the furthest ones unfeasibly far ill just hug this plushie
the day i end up breaking thru some threshold n end up telling oli directly bout my big love for cartoon smile.. it will b over for u all
(did leave silly lil youtube comment but idk how oft he looks at those..and this love too big to fit in passing youtube comment)
toast w cheese n fried eggs...
so sleepy barely a filter mentally rn n Tht Certain Track made me feel so full of love i now wanna try make proper brekky for myself in the morning even tho im not gonna get v much sleep but thts ok
what does it give you to even call out a random passerby (irl or online) on whichever harmless thing esp if they wont even react to you
warm warm warm
feeling this thought big time, but i most frequent on discord these days where it doesnt strip the extra spaces which is real Nice
warm warm warm warm
at least i got online friends i can spout foolery to
being told both by my manager and my mom within the same day to be a tad more cleanly in some surroundings-aspects
now thats what i call β¨ WORK-LIFE BALANCE β¨
though i already am unstoppable just in an 'appreciates tiny sounds in general a lot of the time' + 'keeps shilling her faves to her online friends esp in more musicappreciationally inclined spaces' way
wld have much more fun listenin to rogue intruder soul enhancer if i recognized where any of this damn fuckton of samples came from but at the same time ive been having a bunch of fun listening to it so if i were a more aurally experienced lil bithc then i would prob be unstoppable so maybe its for the better that im not
finally rainy today
positive feedback loop / push/pull type thing where i've been listening to oli xl during walks enough that listening to certain kindsa oli xl makes me want to go on walks
im fresh im fresh im frESH
1 thing that bothers me more than a screaming child - a parent yelling at a screaming child
especially right now with the first actually warm days of spring ππ
being in tartu brings me immense joy whenever its been way too long since last time
the ppl of raadio elmar love their anne veski but so do i
a radio advert for a place selling plantlings n stuff starts off like 'every new hour in your life (...)'
thats one way to look at it!
shop closing speedrun 100%
i am tired (but itll pass)
maybe i could, in the meanwhile, toss most of the clutter into the bed box thing
in these times ive generally been extremely chill for someone who dwells barely an hour from the godforsaken border!
its nice to be mentally stable. even when i do have rather low mental energy these days. but stable!
its nice to be sort of rooted in my more immediate surroundings
(went on a nice walk just earlier)
wish i could [unpostable activities] the ppl who [far, far more unpostable activities] by my own hands or wit or tools given
different degrees of feist
the 4 genders: liquid love / liquid garden / liquid cicada / liquid sunshine
this empties my mind every time i rly listen to it
head thick
also finally making my way down the w - i / bloom catalogue. logical next step of this current ummm fixation
randomly thinking abt horse plinko?
once i make and eat a wrap i will be a little more powerful.
or maybe its that i Cant give a fuck
sometimes some stuff just makes me go like i literally dont give a fuckkkkkkkk
also figured out another thing i like about bus rides (vs car rides). the relative anonymity in relation to other passengers
the moment when my paycheck email thing got overzealously placed in spam folder lol
new coworker askin me if i have a bf, i say no, she says lucky
mate my girl im wearing rainbow pants !! had a couple of schoolkids call my outfit gay once !!
(but neither do i have any other type of signif other)
cat i am so sorry for locking u into kitchen (with ur food n water n litterbox n chairs 2 sleep on) for the night i dont want my parents to anger at you...
hometown any%
so much insignificant mental n physical clutter i can't really keep up with
sleepy
main detail of the crane + the single's cover art, for comparison
would post inline but im not bothered to resize and reupload the pic
i just really fuckin love it... its so cozy
and seeing the single's cover art might be starting to make me think of the paper crane i made and gave hehe
take a shot every time i mention that song.......my silly mind just works this way
the only thing that matters right now is 1:00-1:30 of cartoon smile by oli xl
though i wonder what made them block me months into the no-contact, hah. and what made my ex block me on there around the same time.
not that it matters.
been on my peak bullshit anyway post-crush
thinkin abt the friend/person i had that silly crush on for a lot of last year n what id say to them if there was ever some vague reinitiation of contact. not that it really matters.
dont (want to) care bout u as distinct person prob as defense mechanism (though i wouldnt b crushing anymore anyway, i guess its more to avoid excess spite or other feelings of friction) but do vaguely care as part of entity of the discord server i frequent i guess. wouldnt care if i never had to encounter you again / dont like how u werent more solid abt boundaries sooner but it was a confusing time and it was on both of us really, not that it matters anymore anyway / i still think about the noodles you made for the two of us the midnight when i was visiting, the midnight before i headed back home. but really as part of wider thing of food as social/appreciative thing. / i wouldntve reacted as stupidly to us parting had i known beforehand youd not be accompanying me on the train. Not That It Matters Anymore Anyway. maybe its fuckin good that we have each other blocked
Guess What! it's bladee-harmonizing.mp3 time
having some1 u need to slowly show the reins to at work is π³π³π³ (but at least we got an xtra person for summertime now !!)
oof ow i feel out of balance a bit
ok this is rly clever lol, bias-in-law. tho i dont bumble in kpop realms so for my friends my faves would just be faves-in-law or fixations-in-law
shit i need to eat more of proper stuff
life after life by ecco made me feel overwhelmingly loving the first couple of days of sprawling over it
5th part of 5 star crest 4 vattenrum by bladee n ecco made me feel overwhelmingly loved the first couple of days of sprawling over it
cartoon smile by oli keeps making me feel warm inside in possibly both of those ways
and pretty soon after my london speedrun the shop i work at had a lil tryout-day person for the summer worker position and she meshed quite well w us and w the general stuff so i guess the blessed vibes r continuing !!
my lil paper cranes slightly littered across at least this corner of the world what with me bestowing them upon music ppl i see performin live n whatnot
anyway i had a blessed time !! my voice is halfgone rn, hopefully itll b somewhat back by morning
the person that just sat next to me on the bus said hello as they settled down, was unexpectedly nice even (bc settling down next to some1 on the bus hasnt usually parsed to me as a 'say hello to stranger out of politeness' situation ha)
the joys of brieftripping to somewhere with currently similar weather: i've been able to fit all my trip essentials into a shoulder bag lol (airplane friendly aka no liquids; of foodables there are just 5 granola bars tucked into a couple secret places)
this will be currently both the lightest and the furthest that ive travelled abroad. on my prior trips ive always used my backpack
tomorrow TOMORROW T O M O R R O W
when u want to snack but y'r at work and all yr snacks are at home. at least lunchtime coming soon
currently in the mood of going thru and continuing to clean out some of the pics ive taken w phone
update, the ambiguous phrase seems to be i love you, from the lyrics in the description of official upload π all the sweeter (even tho none of the other lyrics of that part r specified there, so i guess more up to interpretation)
well, or my life at least. dont have much control over others' which is okay
just that the best tiny moments comin to mind rn are rly just abt Connection n whatnot
<3
whole of crest is nice, whole of 5 star crest is lovely (and it being a tribute song to a friend of theirs... π), but just... something abt the 5th part somehow just... sheds light within me on all these moments of love thatve been n are n will be out there, as big or as tiny as they might all be. like Thats What Life Really Should Be About...
a lot of the words in pt 5 of 5 star crest are rly mumbly so its hard to make out exactly what eccos saying in there but then, accompanying one ambiguous phrase hes repeating (on genius its currently transcribed as oh me and you but can b heard as other stuff), theres a rather clear
to eat, to kiss, to love / to eat, to love, to kiss (...)
something rly beautiful abt this in some rly simple way π
full of love
last part of 5 star crest is so soft it has me in tears
NEW BLADEE N ECCO NEW BLADEE N ECCO im going to pull a someone whos a regular on sbecord and go on a walk to listen thru it for the first time. from what ive heard i might Love It
rly funny to hear my manager and one of the ppl of meatshop next to us talking about very unideal candidates theyve encountered when looking for ppl for the shops
Im An Asset For Real lmaoooo my imperfection is that i like to chill and i like to listen to chunes from one earbud sometimes >:) but maybe its good that i like to chill rather than infinitely bust my ass off...less likely to burn out
the thick slow feeling of international love
( https://topnotchdoodad.thoughts.page/#1647415016 )
so true
be the maths problem final boss you wish to see in the world
when u r rly happy abt how something u made came out but u made it as a gift and dont wanna share it more widely until After uve been able to gift it to the person
Stop making fun of me its #illegal im just got of the phone with my lawyer
another of my fav bladee tweets
and then theres oli "wanna tell the world how i jugged these samples but i'm scared i might get hit w 1000 copyright infringements" xl
n another one from like 4y ago thats something in th lines of him saying he feels his track titles r self-fulfilling prophecies so maybe instead of titles like stress junkie he should have (insert whatever healthy stuff here). and its aged rly funny considering his newest single is go oli go! + cartoon smile (tweeted @ him bout it too but lad doesnt seem to be much active on twi these days which is Honestly Valid.)
another of my fav bladee tweets is the im just a vessel bro i didnt mean to flex on you tweet (idr the exact wording, too lazy to look up rn)
maybe i should do a little stroll thru his twi acc sometime feel like there might b a buncha gold
head empty
flow state in the bruh dimension is 1 of my fav bladee tweets
but like ive listened to 4 (or potentially 5 depending on who the special guest will b) artists from that lineup of 8 (one of em who ive not listened is missing from the ra link) AND ive been REALLY into oli xl lately AND the plane tix seemed quite affordable SO
sneeks brief london foray sponsored by tax returns (bc the main travel tix n the event tix have stayed within the amount i got back as tax returns recently for last yr)
ohohohohohohohhOHOHOHOHOHO
time 2 enjoy sunny day off. phone back into the drawer
n then the music mood of the day does a small 180 and its all decadent af
now the afore-indirect-mentioned song has been in my head rentfree. warmest songs my weakness.
(cartoon smile by oli xl, for the lazy. 1:00-1:29 continues to tug at my lil heart even tho its just a lil harmonizing but it's warm af)
or maybe its also the silly lil artist-fan connection by way of silly lil internet
sometimes its the lil things
sometimes you slowly start bonding deeper with songs after certain moments
but for now maybe a silly little doodle thats been on my mind in some shape or form and then bedtime
think im starting to spread myself thin between online places. gotta ponder what to do abt it
pondering about diy mint extract after reading one can diy it but id have to acquire, for that, a: 1) more airtight jar of idk what size, 2) vodka of unknown quantity (lol), 3) ideally fresh mint but this'll be easy once it's peak spring and whatnot, as it's set its foot decently in my parents' garden in these past couple years
first workday after 1.5 weeks off went alright n chill. also gonna have the first non-solo saturday of the season this week so that's cool. also someone applying for summer worker job at the shop coming for trial day on friday while both manager and i are in which is cool too
i dreamt that i found via oli xl's insta that he'd got/made some sorta different more explorable lil webpage than the actual x-l.love page is, there was some nerd shit (/complimentary), was gonna share somethin i found on it w a friend on discord but then i woke up and was like 'damn it was in a dream'
though the site closure was announced a few months in advance so i had time to back up whatever i wanted to back up... but some mightntve even known bout it nonetheless
i still remember my user id (that was in the urls of the profile and pagethingy; mine was almost palindromic lol) and some of the usernames i had there and the chatroom's page id (the main 'branches' of the page were linked like (main domainfuckery)/id/(page id thing))
rest easy mΓ€ngukoobas
phantoms of an estonian website i spent my childhood on n was still semifrequent on up til it was closed almost exactly a year ago
ive not ended up accidentally visiting the site since then, but still feels like some vague distant hole. though theres a discord server for ppl who used to go on there but ive not been in there for a few months now, wasnt much into the vibes and havent bothered to rejoin
(the site was mostly dedicated to flash games but it had plenty creative and social aspects too, each user had their own lil 'site' they could customize to some extent, the layout choices were predetermined and there was just some ltd choice of bbcode but otherwise got to go ham to childfriendly extent, designing headers and menu buttons and other stuff and havin lil subpages for stuff)
sometimes the target state isnt spotless sometimes its cleaner
finally tweaked this theme a bit, mwahaha wavy underlines
perched on my silly chair listenin thru some silly music backlog on silly 'tubes
been bopping to more of mostly oli's mixes this afternoon/evening
though this torus mix that came from autoplay after one of em was real nice too
but ill b safe in fine ole estonia i believe
hah that stuff got punted out the window by whatever This bullshit is
(returned tix for this weekend's yves tumor gig trip, got tix for a fest this july (while im on break too!!! blessed timing) in riga where they will be too, and also for a local gig this friday which is slightly good news on top of the bullshit)
though this still cute, oli xl's voice,
fine i guess no other choice but to feel these feelings for however short or long theyll stick around!! Stupidly (Temporary-)Crushlike Feelings lol, i guess there can b some sort of fun in feelin this type of stuff w/o acting upon anything too
(tiny part of me feeling reflective bout last year when i did act upon crushfeelings, towards a friend of course, wouldntve otherwise, and wondering how itdve been had i never told them about the dream that made me crush on them in the first place)
its kind of silly its kind of nice this resulting feeling LMAO fucking hell
when u hear a mediumkey big fav artist of urs speak (at the start of a mix) for the first time w/o all the vocal fx foolery they have on in songs and its kind of the end of u because now its gonna slightly live in ur head rentfree
oooppps
operating under the assumption that there may be guests today (who knows)
tragedy of having been like 'this would be a slapping username' at several phrases and yet having too much a unified online presence namewise to really use any of them..
animal crossing jock villagers fitting whole gyms under their couches and shit
would b nice if some of animal crossing logic worked irl. like, condensing whole furniture pieces into just leaves to shove into pockets. imagine that.
silly way to harness creativity: pic manip for the purpose of custom discord emojis
and some of the nicknames i associate w certain people whove called me that at least a couple times. snake, sne, sneebus, keens n sneekface, snik, Ε‘nek... these ones certainly.
also from the aforelinked ecco interview
PXEΒ tends to be interpreted as a project about inner conflict. I donβt feel like thereβs a conflict, necessarily. Personhood is just really complicated. Just because itβs not a singular, unified, streamlined reality, doesnβt mean that itβs in conflict. Sometimes it sounds like 50 people shouting at each other in my head, but itβs still a monologue. Itβs still you.
think id at least subconsciously reached some sorta similar thoughts independently of this so this kinda speaks to me too
also makes me think about how mostly in a discord server i frequent in ive been called handfuls of permutations of 'sneek' (i guess thx to the person i crushed on for a while singlehandedly calling me handfuls of permutations of 'sneek') which i kind of find sweet in general. endless permutations of 'sneek' in a trench coat. perceived a litl differently by everyone. dynamic identity. all that.
at least she didnt give me any grief or anything bout me not wanting to be anything specific as a kiddo so thats cool
from that interview re the being asked what u want to do but not rly wanting anything specific
When youβre a kid, adults ask that all the time, and you have to have a good answer.
thinking of how its hella common for kids to wanna b some1 of some profession but my mom's told me i never really had anything specific in mind then (was too busy being a kid / being built different). iconic really.
i quite like this ecco interview, i revisit it sometimes
got a week off now, gonna simply chill for most of it
in my hubris im a dumbass (read: 2nd night in a row of sleeping a bit under 4 hours before a workday)
uh uh iconic
sbecord buzzing about a potential drain somethin potentially droppin soon bc of there bein some teasin but i will merely just. slip thru life as ive been
even tho i do be lookin forward too, if it is indeed a something dropping soon
angy
she woke me an hour before my alarm today about to throw up in my bed (managed to gently toss her on floor before) but its ok i still appreciate her
she is currently snoozing next to me while i sit on my bed
had my small wireless speaker propped up on my cats hollow big scratch post / cave pillar type thing while i was hanging laundry to dry, listening to some ecco, and she hopped atop it and chilled some. even used the speaker as some sorta pillow briefly which was cute. i gave plenty pets ofc
work hard play hard i think to myself while sitting at the register comp playing candy crush on it
turn your mental prison to a maze / turn the maze into a place where you're safe
(noblest strive, off the aforementioned album. the song has a satisfying flow to it)
might b considering 333 my fav bladee album rn and the old drainheads can cry all they Want abt it
tho i oughta revisit the older bits of the discog, sometime
so much music so little time/energy
brewing in this silly cocoon
at least an impromptu nap i had reset my mind a little so im no longer thinking abt the couple of mutually blocked ppl rn. good.
gonna find out tomorrow evening whether my manager can come to work from thurs, she said all her tests have been negative. manifesting thursday off, i got low mental energy
not used to this level of... would it b ok for me to call this some sort of hyperfixation with my merely asd-flavoured spicy brain, it makes the most sense. not used to this level of that (day 2 of just sort of mostly listening to gud lmao), but its cool i guess !!
part of mind: wonder if [blocked person 1] and [blocked person 2] have talked abou-
other part of mind: ratio + didnt ask + dont care + ecco2k smile + key jangling noises in comedown by gud + what of it
not that it really matters
though keep wondering sometimes during convos on that server how theyd look with me filtered out
mutual blocking on a discord server feels nice feels right
hopefully manager will b back from thurs itd b Nice
I Do Not Choose The Brain Brr Of The Day
admittedly it was nice stuff to chill at work to (listened to the rotation from one earbud)
also i listened to a rotation of some unreleased gud tracks for like 7-8 hours straight today. my brain is a fun place. "oh is this gud singing on some of the tracks? thats kind of cute," my brain went, and 7 hours later i was still at it
dread from it, run from it, ecco2k arrives just the same
someone in the discord server i most frequent, during one of our collab playlists, where someone thats not me had subbed ecco2k
the way im gettin out of sick leave just as my manager has ended up in iso as close contact lol. truly global the achoo
my cat has been melted across my lap for the last few hours, send help
cant fkn SLEEP
or nah thats not all
it was a comment on youtube of some1 saying they feel the song is more about overcoming ones struggles than about death which made the song crack right open for me because it rly makes sense that way too within eccos work
i guess it resonated w me even more than it couldve bc i properly picked up the song soon before my birthday last year, a few months ago, and after a big crush i'd been having on some1 and whatnot.
tho itd probably gain some new dimension once i have to cope with some1 dear to me passing, for all i know it could be my cat, shes still healthy but shes turning 16 this july so who knows
ok thats all i think
another sweetest thing abt that song: the beginning repeats 'theres a star theres a glimmer' a few times but one of the lines is 'youre a star theres a glimmer' instead, even tho its not v clear from the song but its there on the lyric sheet.
another sweetest thing abt that song: how 1 of the lines towards the end is 'say goodbye, i walk into the light' (for context for the following, the song is bonus track of e, ecco's first proper release) and then in pxe (first track off pxe the second proper release) one of the bits is 'come out of shell, come into the light'
another sweetest thing abt that song: most beautiful background vox. and the prod being dreamy af as well
ok thats all. just rly love that song
in my arms, i leave my life in yours / i go on to live so many more
(life after life by ecco2k)
most beautiful and beloved song to me rn. to the point where ive sort of sometimes been wanting to punt some type of dm to ecco (prob via twitter. even if idk how likely hed b 2 look at it it via there either) abt how its 1 of my most beloved things n thanking so much n whatnot. bc this world could always use more of kind words i guess. and this thing has fr resonated w me so much
been workin on lessening my watchlater on the 'tubes which is nice. now its mostly just music stuff aka more listenlater than watchlater
cat stop screaming every night challenge
listening 2 girls just want to have fun by bladee and ecco last night while i was in bed (though i didnt fall asleep til hrs later) made me want to dance in some way but i tend 2 b too selfconscious to dance alone
kick iii n kick iiii verdict: were ok enough as albums but just stashing away some standout songs for later possible rotation we shall see
also been mildly down with what might be covid, because my parents are positive too. tho mostly been a sore throat, but i feel like it's finally letting up
might be finally starting to digest arca's newer kicks. i was too much in ecco mode when they dropped but feel some sort of lull coming rn
kick ii verdict: i vibe with the whole thing really
sometimes cute 2 behold excited ppl
im having exposure to russian-language hyperpop type stuff rn from some1 who joined the server i mainly frequent not even 24 hrs ago or something
discord spotify listen-alongs can b fun
listening thru rogue intruder soul enhancer by oli xl for the umpteenth time, over a while
some part of me has categorized a lot of oli's music as music for cloudy weather (the debut ep definitely is, listened to that before too), but right now with mostly clear sky and sun mostly out the album still feels perfect and feel like itd be in any weather
currently on mimetic
but a lot of effort to try figure out what might b worth to keep
room full of clutter
head full of noise
vaguely profound dream. hold tht thought
a trenchcoat of sneeks
helped someone remember the name of a track (based on a wrong-chords-right-rhythm main melody recon + a couple clues), makes me happy
full moon, currently...
i guess i might be continuing to gawk at this bc its been a longer while since i was this fulltilt into a music artist (my peak moa pillar hogwild fan time in terms of listening was 2017), im savouring the relative newness
at least somewhat.
my taste so lost in the drain its in the whole sewage, the whole pipework, the whole network
actually that exchange is tied w this one i just beheld:
"hmmmmmm... should I discog run arca later in the year"
"do it sooner than later before she drops another four albums"
"shit!"
paying respects in january 2022 to my january 2017 self being full tilt into moa pillar by being full tilt into ecco2k.........my thoughts page and whoever beholds this will simply just have to cope and seethe
fav exchange of tonight: i share a snippet to a friend of ecco performing pollen live, the friend goes like 'oh. my. god. is this heaven. what song is this??' (pollen, i answer) 'i think you just showed me my fav ecco track'
was lookin at the dusk sky for some time from living room window, nice gradient, a few tufts of cloud drifting by quite quick. mom asked if somethin was happenin outside, i was like, just clouds. sometimes nothing much happening can b beautiful n blissful too
time to make food
my whole . mmy whole being is a stupid little butterfly sanctuary rn
my silly self waxing poetic
chilled in a vc for like 7 hrs today and then proceeded to plop a merch shirt into an animal crossing new horizons custom design type thing. productive day innit !!
also nice n blissful (perfectlystill [gemstone1], also by ecco)
ambient-adjacent ecco my ultimate weakness, these days... or at least on some moments, such as tonight
it's v nice n blissful, the tune and the vid
re video: never have played sonic adventure 2 or suchlike so have never actually got to interact w chao but they seem like cute creatures
no thoughts in my head. only eccology by ecco2k
the buns of the local hospital's cafe slap. got a couple cinnamon rolls and a couple wiener bun type things. rly nice. and i'm feeling fine after the jab rn
i shouldve looked at city bus times before booking booster jab appt
also yesterday i ended up buying a longsleeved shirt and a 2000piece jigsaw puzzle
still gotta give my damn eyes a break, after sleep
part of me wanna listen to sad music but my eyes hurt and by extension my ears want rest
thinkin back on last august
once the now former crush and i intentionally severed contact it freed up the mindspace to truly be on my bullshit
got paid today also so theres that adding to the decadence a little too, in addition to the break (tho i did punt most of it right into savings)
gonna get boosterjabbed on monday too, hope my body wont be too much like 'wtf ? ? ?' at it (got the j jab like 7 months ago, i was fine from that besides a lil tiredness which mightve also been bc of other stuff, and soreness at the site)
and sometime next week a cereal nite type vidcall/chat w a friend (again tho 1st one was months ago lol, and yes we did simply chill, n eat cereal) bc why not >:)
feeling decadent, might go out for pizza tomorrow after work ends for lunch (sat workdays til 2pm. and then ill have a week off work), then might peep the clothes selection at the like. mall thing. or whatever. the one thats technically part of the same branch of the chain/co-op the shop i work at belongs to also (and which is not far from it) so i could get employees discount there >:)
ok it can be a semiforbidden stim toy on other levels too
monky brain wants to try eject a different much less valuable cd from e's ejector case at full force. i will sit at work w this thought all day probably
IT'S HERE IT'S HERE i can fetch it omw to work !!
the current mystery: will the parcel with β¨the cdβ¨ be dropped in post office or parcel machine. will find out today or tomorrow. cant wait
looking at a persons lastfm account just as they r listening to a couple tracks off an album u introduced to em the other day = +10 serotonin or whatever
today been a feast
i guess ill mop the floor around nowish n then count the cash register n then just continue fooling (and customering as needed) til closing
the sheer trust the manager of the shop has in me is somewhat extremely a vibe lol, im workin alone all week while shes on break this week (n then vice versa next week), its extremely calm here this time of year so im mostly just vibing to music from 1 earbud (while radio plays from aux) and fooling around on a dragon pet site type thing (flight rising)
checking thru some of my backlog, but punted some familiar shit into the midst of an album listenthrough bc felt like listenin to a couple certain bladee songs while beholding early dusk
skramz to some songs off exeter by bladee n back to skramz is a fun twist
tiktok this tiktok that. i only know mechatok
(was gna tweet this but i dont know if id like it 2 b searchable)
heartbreak is fine kindling for a good drain
a friend of mine after i said the ashes of a figuratively burnt down crushstate made way for me being rly into drain gang
the lil harmonizing in cartoon smile by oli xl feels like the audio equivalent of a most comforting hug
clawing at these walls of the self n of some particular loneliness or whatever it is
nvm i guess ive hit some point of mental exhaustion rn im not feelin too hot
itll pass
ive been listening to the same snip of bladee harmonizing for what must be at least a combined 6 hours total the past couple of days or something. had it going on (manual) loop for 4 hours from one earbud yesterday while i was at work. its very pretty.
strange that i have low mental energy these days but dont seem to be unhappy w things as they are rn?
me getting stuck on looping songs/albums a bunch must be a manifestation of it. and not having much energy for longer out-of-the-blue dming with ppl one on one (a lil ye but been more barebones on my end mostly esp w my best friend heh).
and not having much energy for actively playing animal crossing rn. i guess a break from that would b nice and freeing. been wanting to chip away at ecco the dolphin some more (have got to the point where i gotta fetch the asterite's missing orb)
and been wanting to deal with the state of my room, and been wanting to pick up handicrafts again more actively but i would have to at least temporarily drop something else to have the mental energy to do that. been on discord too much anyway i feel. and at this point i dont think cutting some of it would make me feel as lonely as some part of me thinks it would. will see how to proceed i guess.
had the most frictionless wakeup-to-oatmeal process today. (my cat yelled for food, waking me up at squarely 6am, and i found myself to be awfully hungry too)
also i did manage to make and decorate all the gingerbreads yesterday which was really nice. and went n had some fun in the snow today which was also really nice.
my active taste in an ecco chamber right now fr
another one on the horizon possibly, ive been listening to killer bee remix of calcium by ecco for like 13 times in a row now and the person has some music of their own which im now inclined to check out too. who knows tho. but the damn remix slaps.
gonna try get around to making gingerbreads today from the dough i made a few days ago. have a fuckton of icing too which might be fun
was in bed for like around 14 hours or something mostly sleeping, guess i needed it. might be a silent day today, dont even know where my parents are rn. nice n peaceful n quiet over the holidays for once
(have had one of my bros come over w his wife n their 2 small kids the past couple/few xmases but not this time which is really nice)
merry christmas to everyone and in particular that one swiss person on discogs (re)selling the ecco2k e cd because fuck it i bought it bc i was feeling kind and my wallet could manage it
oh also a couple songs on e by ecco r yves prod i forgot to mention that connection [not that it much matters to most that may stumble here but still >:)]
and tbf i rly like both of em
anyway time to continue chilling at work i guess
tho maybe ill put on some ecco from my earbuds later too. sometimes i impress myself in how much repeat value im able to find in some stuff. built different.
is my mind musically just orbiting drain/ecco2k-but-only-adjacent-to-them realms rn (ecco's opened for some yves shows; the pre-oxhy new-discovery type obsession was a mechatok album and mecha has produced for dg...). yes, yes it might be. not complaining tho
might screw around and shove my local files on shuffle again while at work (or while at home) some fine time tho to kick up some more dust
current mild obsesh: safe in the hands of love by yves tumor (feel like i might slowly make my way thru each of their releases n savouring em i guess ! but who knows where the hell my brain will take me next)
economy of freedom (1 of the songs off that) made me cry a lil the other nite bc the lyrics touched some dormant feelings-stuff within me
very unideal amount of sleep
tho on the other hand it can get kind of lonely on solo workdays
i guess i like knowing which workdays im on my own on bc during lunch break ill have to entirely close shop for the half an hr and then i can loudly sing along to a bit of music bc nobody to overhear me, unlike at home n on non-alone workdays
ive been doing some private thought-venting on a private twitter acc bc i use a 3rd party twit client app thing on my phone thats kinda nice n light (sure it doesnt support dms and stuff LMAO but nonetheless i like it) (twidere btw) and can spit out the thoughts at instant.
wondering how my thoughts might split btwn here n there...
been kind of obsessed w this ep (rights of spring by oxhy) laaaaargely bc of the song w the ecco2k feature but the whole thing has nice broody vibes
[gently prods at this text box] ok lets go. lets see. lets Experiment
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